


Is the fight still worth it?

by panicked_bi_kid



Series: Falling Apart (And Then Back Together) [1]
Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fighting, Gen, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I'm Bad At Tagging, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Post Season 1, Probably ooc, catra and bow friendship that i didn't plan for but just kinda showed up so i ran with it, i'm torturing both of them so much, oh well, redemption arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-08-28 20:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 24,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16729800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panicked_bi_kid/pseuds/panicked_bi_kid
Summary: It was supposed to be a normal mission. Attack the rebellion base, draw out She-Ra and her friends, capture and/or kill the princesses, take down the base. Catra and She-Ra fight, they argue, Adora begs Catra to come back, Catra says something snarky and backflips away.But something's different this time.





	1. Something's Changed

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I binged SPOP last week and fell in love with it and this was the result. The characterization is probably messed up but this is for fun, not accuracy. Yell at me in the comments if you want. Also, none of these characters belong to me, just the idea and the story. Another disclaimer, my grammar is nowhere near perfect so yeah, please be patient.

The Battle of Bright Moon wasn’t the last encounter Catra had with She-Ra. Of course it wasn’t. Hordak’s plan to descend Etheria into darkness and order wasn’t over just because She-Ra and her friends saved the day with the power of friendship and rainbows. 

Which meant Catra and her force was sent after her, attacking rebellion strongholds, drawing her out in hopes of capturing or killing her. The Horde didn’t have a particular preference and Catra wasn’t one to argue.

Every time, she and Adora would do the same dance, exchanging blows, with Catra throwing out sarcastic quips and jabs throughout, while Adora desperately begged her to join the rebellion. Every so often Catra would land a good swipe and draw blood. And every time, her forces would be overpowered and she would be forced to retreat with them. Over time, Catra figured out exactly what buttons to push to drive Adora insane. She figures out how to fight She-Ra without losing horribly. She tells herself the horrible feeling in the pit of her stomach is just residual anger from Adora’s betrayal. Not guilt. Anything but guilt.

The mission was supposed to be normal. Attack the rebellion base, hopefully draw out She-Ra and her princess friends, fight them, take them down. Lethal force is authorized as always. The second Catra sees Adora, or She-Ra rather, she knows something’s wrong. She refuses to link Adora and She-Ra in her mind. She tells herself it's not because she doesn't want her memory of Adora tainted by what she's become. It's not because maybe she can get Adora back on her side but she knows she can't get She-Ra.

They fight, as always, but something’s off. She-Ra’s movements are more calculated, more precise. She’s fighting with purpose, not just swinging wildly. And suddenly they’re evenly matched, by skill, not just by She-Ra's raw power. Catra’s landed a couple good slashes and she doesn't know if she should be proud. Catra flips to the side to avoid a punch and suddenly realization dawns on her. She’s not fighting She-Ra this time. She’s fighting Adora. Who’s been oddly silent this entire time.

“What, not gonna ask me to join the rebellion?” She asks playfully, backflipping onto a nearby tree branch to avoid the swing of Adora’s sword.  
“You clearly don’t want to.” Adora says, and Catra can hear the exhaustion in her voice as she hops down from the branch. Adora launches herself towards Catra, tackling her, pinning her against the tree. “Why should I keep asking if you’re just going to keep saying no?” Catra expects her to keep fighting but she doesn’t. She just kneels there, looking at Catra, her expression a heart-wrenching mixture of guilt and heartbreak. Catra takes the chance and flips them over, holding her claws at Adora’s throat, pressing just enough to draw the tiniest drop of blood.

Adora drops her sword and lets her armor fade. She’s not wearing much underneath. Just a sports bra and an old pair of training pants. What catches Catra off guard however, are the scars. Then two lines across the left side of her ribcage from six months ago. One long one trailing down the bottom half of her right leg from four months ago. Three lines down the right side of her ribs from three months ago. Four slashes on her right arm from two months ago. A large slash across her lower back from last month. And two scratches on her face that are still healing from two weeks ago. The scratches from their fight just now are bleeding sluggishly. 

“Why are you showing me these?” Catra asks, staring at the ones on her face. She didn’t realize they would scar. She kinda just assumed She-Ra had fast healing or whatever.

“I’m done fighting you Catra. And I’m done asking you to come with me.” She replies tiredly. Rage suddenly floods Catra and she instinctively punches Adora in the face. Adora just takes it, not fighting back.

“Am I not good enough for you?” Catra yells. “Are you too good to fight someone like me?” Adora shakes her head weakly.

“You’re better without me.” She says softly. “All I ever did was bring you pain. And I don’t want to do that anymore. So do what you will with me. I’m done fighting. It's not worth it.” 

The rage flooding Catra’s veins intensifies and she unleashes fury on Adora. Punching, slashing, clawing every part of her she can reach.

“ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE YOUR EQUAL! AND YOU JUST LEFT ME THERE ALONE!” She roars, her hand comes down hard, leaving a slash she knows will scar on Adora’s chest. She feels tears running down her face and suddenly she stops. Adora up at her, bloody and bruised, a sad smile on her face.

“You were always my equal." She croaks. "And I never wanted to leave you alone. I always hoped you would come with me.”

“And I always hoped you’d come back.” Catra whispers, barely loud enough for Adora to hear. Adora smiles crookedly and her eyes slip shut.

Catra panics, fingers immediately flying to Adora’s neck. She breathes a sigh of relief when she finds a pulse. She can hear the battle winding down in the distance and the signature retreat signal going up. Without hesitation, she scoops up Adora and grabs the sword, heading towards where she thinks Adora’s friends are.

By the time Catra reaches the rebellion’s base, the Horde is long gone. She sees the glitter princess, standing outside talking to the arrow guy. She definitely doesn’t remember their names but that doesn’t matter. They see her and immediately tense up, the arrow guy immediately reaching for his bow. Bow, that’s his name. And Glimmer. The sparkle princess.

“I’m not here to fight.” She calls out to them. They look at her and suddenly notice Adora and the sword in her arms. They thankfully don’t attack and let her come close. Probably because she's holding Adora. She sets Adora gently down on the ground, placing the sword next to her. Glimmer looks at Catra in horror.

“What did you do to her?” Catra doesn’t answer. She simply kneels and holds her wrists up. She only now notice her hands and claws are covered in blood. Adora’s blood. A wave of guilt hits her like a tsunami and all the fight drains out of her. Her words come out a broken whisper.

“I surrender.”


	2. Someone Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora can't sleep. Memories of her and Catra play through her mind and she suddenly realizes why Catra won't come with her. And she breaks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey children, this isn't really a plot progression chapter rather it's Adora's perspective of the events of chapter one. Hope you enjoy!

To say that Adora missed Catra was an understatement. Before the Battle of Bright Moon, everything was hectic and Adora was just trying to make it through each day.

There was always some new fire to put out or a new problem that had to be solved. 

But now? After? She had time to think, time to sort through how her life basically turned upside down completely in the span of what? A few weeks? 

And the more she thought the more guilty she felt, and the more she wished Catra was still by her side. Because before they became what they are now, they were friends. Best friends. And maybe more. 

She shakes the thought away. “She’s your enemy now.” She repeats to herself, hoping that if she says it enough she’ll actually believe it.

It doesn't work.

Even with the atrocities Catra’s committed, Adora can’t shake the memories of the two of them from her mind. And some nights she wakes up with tears streaming down her face, wishing Shadow-Weaver had erased her memory. Maybe then she and Catra wouldn’t be on opposite sides of the war.

Of course, Hordak’s plan for domination and darkness over Etheria didn’t just end because of one battle. He kept sending his forces, and subsequently Catra, to attack their outposts and bases.

Adora knows that they attack to draw her out in hopes of capturing her or Glimmer or Perfuma or Mermista or some other princess. But she can’t just stand by and do nothing. She did that for too long already.

Every time, she and Catra would do the same dance, exchanging blows, with Catra throwing out sarcastic quips and jabs throughout, while Adora desperately begged her to join the rebellion. Every so often Catra would land a good swipe and draw blood. And every time, her forces would be overpowered and she would be forced to retreat with them. Over time, Catra figured out exactly what buttons to push to drive Adora insane. She figures out how to fight She-Ra without losing horribly. She figures out how to be better. And Adora doesn’t know if she should be proud or guilty for what Catra’s to become.

Adora was supposed to be sleeping. Emphasis on supposed to. In the morning, she, Glimmer, and Bow have to go to one of the rebel strongholds on the very outskirts of their territory, a simple defense mission. Go in, take down the Horde forces, make them retreat, go home. In and out, super simple, be back in the castle by nightfall. 

But her mind won’t shut off. Memories of her and Catra play through her mind like a gut-wrenching movie that doesn’t have a pause button. She tosses and turns for hours, eventually giving up and getting up, sitting on the ledge of her window, her legs dangling over the edge. 

As the memories play, she realizes how often Shadow-Weaver punished Catra. How often Adora won and Catra suffered the consequences. And how often Catra brushed off her concern, putting on a fake smile, pretending to be fine, pretending it didn’t hurt. And the thought occurs to her. She realizes that she was immediately willing to protect the innocent people in that village all those weeks ago. But Catra was innocent. And Adora never stepped up to save her. And she breaks.

She sobs for hours, the thought “Catra deserves better than you, you don’t deserve her” repeating over and over in her head. A small voice that sounds suspiciously like Shadow-Weaver tells her she’s weak. She shoves the voice away, even though she knows the voice is right. 

She eventually opens her eyes and she can see the sun just barely peeking over the horizon. She wipes her tears away and splashes some cold water on her face. She heads outside, leaving the sword. She’s training the old fashioned way this morning. She hopes and begs and prays that the physical pain will distract her from the pain in her mind. 

She doesn’t know how long she works out, cycling mindlessly through various exercises until she no longer has to think about her movements and her mind strays again.

“Adora!” 

Bow’s voice echoes loudly across the mostly empty training field. She looks up and realizes she’s been out here for hours and it’s well into the morning now. She missed breakfast but she doesn’t feel hungry. She doesn’t feel anything.

“Hey, we’re about to head out.” He says, tossing a towel at her head. She catches it and wipes away the sweat that’s collected on her forehead.

“Got it. I’ll meet you guys at the stables in twenty.” She says dismissively. She can tell that he’s suspicious that something’s wrong but he doesn’t push it. She brushes past him and walks back to her room, trying to keep her mind on the mission. But Catra will undoubtedly be there. And she doesn’t know if she can face Catra anymore.

Glimmer offers to transport all three of them there but Adora turns the offer down, taking Swiftwind instead. She tells them that she doesn’t want Glimmer to be tired before the Horde even gets there but she really just wants time to herself to prepare herself to see Catra. She needs time to prepare. Catra can’t see her break. 

The battle is just starting when she gets there. She finds Catra easily, who’s standing underneath a tree at the edge of the battle.

“Hey Adora.” Her greeting is just as sultry as normal, combined with a slight eyebrow raise. Normally Adora would be irritated but she can’t let herself feel anything right now. She doesn’t want to find out what’ll happen if she does.

She launches forward, unleashing hell on Catra. She fights the way the Horde taught her, all fight and no mercy, meant to kill your opponent. She brings out every skill she hasn’t used since she found the sword and it's almost liberating to do something so familiar. 

She knows she’s fighting differently and she knows that Catra can tell too. She loses focus for a split second and Catra lands a sharp swipe on her arm. Not enough to scar, but enough to sting. It happens a few more times, and each time she comes back swinging harder.

They’re evenly matched for a while, but Adora’s exhaustion starts to catch up to her. Catra flips to the side to avoid a punch and Adora can see the realization dawn in her eyes.

“What, not gonna ask me to join the rebellion?” Catra asks playfully, backflipping onto a nearby tree branch to avoid the swing of Adora’s sword.

“You clearly don’t want to.” Adora spits, exhaustion seeping into in her voice. Adora launches herself towards Catra, tackling her to the ground, pinning her there. “Why should I keep asking if you’re just going to keep saying no?” 

Catra doesn’t respond, and suddenly Adora just stops. She just kneels there, suddenly just so tired. Tired of fighting someone who doesn’t deserve to have to always fight. And she lets herself break. 

Catra takes the chance and flips them over, holding her claws at Adora’s throat, pressing just enough to draw the tiniest drop of blood.

Adora drops her sword and lets her armor fade. She’s not wearing much underneath. Just a sports bra and an old pair of training pants. But they reveal her scars. The eight lines down her back from Bright Moon. Then two lines across the left side of her ribcage from six months ago. One long one trailing down the bottom half of her right leg from four months ago. Three lines down the right side of her ribs from three months ago. Four slashes on her right arm from two months ago. A large slash across her lower back from last month. And two scratches on her face that are still healing from two weeks ago. The scratches from their fight just now are bleeding sluggishly.

“Why are you showing me these?” Catra asks, staring at the ones on her face. From the expression on her face, Adora guesses she didn’t realize they would scar.  
Adora didn’t know they would scar either.

“I’m done fighting you Catra. And I’m done asking you to come with me.” She says tiredly. Adora can see the spark of rage in Catra’s eyes and without warning, she feels Catra’s fist connect with her face. She just lies there and takes it, not willing to fighting back.

“Am I not good enough for you?” Catra yells. “Are you too good to fight someone like me?” Adora shakes her head weakly.

“You’re better without me.” She says softly. “All I ever did was bring you pain. And I don’t want to do that anymore. So do what you will with me. I’m done fighting. It's not worth it.” The words leave Adora’s mouth and part of her is relieved. She sees the rage intensify in Catra’s eyes and suddenly it’s all pain. Catra’s punching, slashing, clawing every part of her she can reach.

“ALL I EVER WANTED WAS TO BE YOUR EQUAL! AND YOU JUST LEFT ME THERE ALONE!” She roars, her hand comes down hard, leaving a slash they both know will scar on Adora’s chest. Adora feels a drop on her face as the assault stops and she opens her eyes to find that Catra’s crying. 

Adora looks Catra in the eyes, her voice weak. “You were always my equal." She whispers. "And I never wanted to leave you alone. I always hoped you would come with me.”

“And I always hoped you’d come back.” She hears Catra whisper, barely loud enough for Adora to hear. Adora smiles crookedly and her eyes slip shut, her body finally giving in to the pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI, going forward, I think all the chapters are going to be structured like this. Catra's perspective then Adora's up until they reunite. Chapter three will be up very soon. 
> 
> Follow me on tumblr if you want to I guess: @panicked-bi-kid
> 
> Thanks for reading and leave a comment for what you want to see!


	3. Cracks in Her Head, Chips in Her Claws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picking up right after Chapter One in Catra's perspective.

Bow and Glimmer stare at Catra, unblinking. Glimmer’s hands are twitching as if she can’t decide between cuffing her or shooting her with a blast of sparkles, and Bow still has an arrow drawn and pointed at her face. 

Glimmer is the first to react, tossing a pair of handcuffs towards Bow, who barely catches them. She scoops up Adora into his arms, carrying her into the base.

Huh, tiny girl is stronger than she looks, she thinks to herself. She doesn’t miss the look in Glimmer’s eyes. It’s the same look Adora had whenever Catra used to come back from Shadow-Weaver’s punishment. That look of pure heartbreak when someone you love is hurt.

“Cuff her and bring her in!” Glimmer calls behind her. The sword is still on the ground between them, both their eyes flitting between it and each other. Bow eventually mutters something Catra can’t quite pick up under his breath and cuffs Catra roughly, pulling her to her feet. She hears him bend down and grab the sword before he shoves her forward, and the two of them make their way into the base. 

For a rebel base, it’s remarkably similar to how the Horde sets up their bases and Catra wonders if Adora was the one who helped design the layout. She shakes the thought away. She’s here because of Adora. “Well, not really...” her mental voice that sounds suspiciously like Shadow-Weaver says. She ignores the voice, shoving it away to the deepest corner of her mind, where it joins her feelings towards Adora. She gets pushed into what looks like a makeshift cell. Bow uncuffs her, and closes the door.

“If I leave the cuffs off,” he says warningly, “will you behave?”

Catra rolls her eyes, barely holding back a laugh. “Have you met me arrow boy?” She drawls sarcastically.

Bow sighs, pulling another pair of handcuffs from his belt. We wordlessly cuffs each of her arms to the bar on the wall, making sure they’re securing before stepping back and looking down at her.

“I want to trust you because I know how hard it is to leave the Horde and I know much you mean to Adora. But you have a lot of people you need to prove your worth to. I hope you know what you’ve gotten yourself into.” He says quietly. 

“Meant.” She mutters back.

“What?”

“You know how much I meant to Adora. Past tense.” 

Bow smiles sadly down at her. “She cares, y’know,” he says, turning to leave. “More than you think.” He nods at her before closing the door, leaving Catra alone with her thoughts.

She doesn’t know how long she sits there. Fighting Adora took a toll on her and she can feel the bruises forming. She lets herself close her eyes for a moment, just to rest. When she wakes, it’s dark outside, as far as she can tell. The tiny window in the corner isn’t ideal when it comes to measuring the passing of time. She can hear movement outside the door. Footsteps, coming closer. They keep getting closer and Catra sits as still as she can, trying to hear who they might be. The footsteps stop in front of her door and the door swings open loudly, revealing Glimmer and Bow standing in the doorway. Glimmer’s glaring at her as if she’s trying to burn a hole in her. Catra stares back, unbothered.

“So, am I being moved?” She drawls casually. Bow takes a small step in front of Glimmer, who looks like she’s about to rip Catra’s head off. 

“Yes.” Bow replies curtly, the kindness that was there earlier completely gone. “We’re taking Swiftwind back. Try not to fall.” 

He uncuffs her hands and re-cuffs them. She gets led outside, and she can feel Glimmer’s glare on her back. She wishes it doesn’t bother her as much as it does. A thought occurs to her.

“Wait, who’s Swiftwind? And what do you mean by fall?”

Her question is answered a moment later when a flying horse with a horn descends like Shadow-Weaver standing over her. Except none of the darkness and bloodiness and fear. Which is a nice change if she’s being honest. And then it opens its mouth.

“Okay what is the crazy cat lady doing here?” He says incredulously. Catra does a double take.

“You can talk?” She says, somehow not surprised.

“Yeah”

“Cool.”

“You aren’t surprised?”

“My army was taken down by the power of love, friendship, and a giant rainbow. Not much surprises me these days.” Catra deadpans. 

Swiftwind turns to Bow and Glimmer. “I like her. Can we keep her?” He asks excitedly.

Glimmer glares at him. “She’s the one who hurt Adora.” Swiftwind’s eyes go wide.

“She’s the one who did all the- OH MY GAWD.” He immediately takes a few steps back, horrified.

“Is Adora gonna be okay?” Catra and Glimmer ask simultaneously.

“Yeah, but that was quite a number you did on her.” He says, turning to Catra. “I take it back, I don’t like you anymore.”

Glimmer sighs, putting her head in her hands. “Look, Swiftie, can you just take Catra back to the castle? Bow will come with you. I’ll join you guys after I finish up here.” Catra can hear the exhaustion in her voice and decides to keep her retort to herself. Swiftwind hesitantly lowers himself and lets Catra and Bow climb on. 

They take off and Catra looks down. She could easily just throw herself off, save herself the misery of being in a cell for who knows how long. Adora’s bloody and bruised face crosses her mind and she stops herself. She might not like Adora but she at least has to apologize to her. 

“You are weak…” Shadow-Weaver hisses in her mind. She shoves the voice away. She tries not to shiver as she can almost feel Shadow-Weaver’s hands on her. 

“Shadow-Weaver’s dead,” she thinks to herself. You watched her die. She’s gone. She can’t hurt you. Not anymore. She keeps her eyes focused on Swiftwind’s winds for the rest of the relatively short trip, her eyes flipping between the colors, taking them in, memorizing the shape of each feather. 

Before long, they land at the castle and Catra slides off Swiftwind. She can't say she enjoyed flying and being back on solid ground was quite nice. She watches as Swiftwind flies off presumably to the stables as soon Bow slides off. Bow takes her and shoves her forward.

“Where are you taking me?” She asks, only half kidding.

“Holding cell. Then you’ll probably see Queen Angela. She’ll decide whether or not you get to stay.” He replies cooly.

“Stay as in alive?”

“What? No! Stay as in do you stay in a cell or do we train you to become on of us!” Bow stops comes around to look at her incredulously. Catra nearly trips in shock but manages to keep a neutral expression, forcing a laugh.

“Hah, I was joking. Obviously.” She forces out. Bow looks at her skeptically but they start walking again. Catra lets out a sigh of relief. Bow probably knows she’s lying but she doesn’t really care at this point. He leads her to what looks like the dungeon of the castle, which is somehow nicer than the entire Fright Zone combined. Which is weird but hey, she’s not complaining. 

He gently pushes into a cell and locks the door behind him. He turns to walk away when Catra calls out to him. “Can I see her?”

He looks at her, a mixture of pity and rage in his eyes. “With what you did to her, that’s not a decision for us to make. She’ll see you if she wants to.” There’s a beat of silence. “A guard will bring you food in the morning, you’ll see Queen Angela tomorrow. I suggest you get some rest.” And then he’s gone. 

Catra sits down, leaning her back again the wall. She closes her eyes, suddenly exhausted again. Sleep doesn’t come easy, and her dreams are stained with Adora’s bruised and bloody form. She wakes up covered in cold sweat, and when she looks down, Adora’s blood is still stained on her hands and claws. Suddenly the cell is too small and she can’t breath. Her vision is blurred and she screams incoherently, scratching and clawing at the walls.

“LET ME OUT!” She screams, hoping someone will hear her. But no one comes. Some obscure sense tells her that it’s nighttime, and that no one’s awake. She scratches and claws at the wall for what seems like hours but nothing happens. She eventually collapses on the ground, exhausted. She glances down at her hands again. Now the blood drying there is hers. She cracks a hint of a smile before her eyes slip shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Four is already in the works and will probably be up some time in the next week or so.


	4. Healing Body Broken Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora wakes up and does some self-reflection, which she seems to be doing a lot of these days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, this chapter is from Adora's perspective, just a heads up. Scroll back and read chapter two if you don't remember what happened. Happy reading!

Pain. That’s the only thing Adora feels as her mind wakes up. Her eyelids are heavier than they’ve ever been and it takes all her effort to crack them open just a tiny bit. The light above her is blinding and she somehow pieces together she’s in the medical wing of the castle. 

She wants to open her mouth, say something, anything, but her mind is still foggy and a wave of exhaustion hits her. She doesn’t try to fight it and closes her eyes, succumbing to sleep again.

When she wakes up again, it’s dark outside. She’s still in a lot of pain but her mind is clearer. She looks over and sees Glimmer standing by the window, looking out at the night sky.

“Hey Glimmer.” She manages to croak out, her voice hoarse. Glimmer is immediately at her bedside, her eyes full of concern.

“You’re awake!” She exclaims, trying to cover her worry. Adora cracks a half smile.

“Yep. Why does my entire body hurt? And what time is it?” 

“It’s nearly midnight and do you really not remember your fight with Catra?” Concern laces Glimmer’s words, and Adora’s hit with a wave of guilt. She knows she could’ve avoided getting hurt, but she wanted to. Some sick part of her wanted to feel that pain.

“I do, I was just hoping it was a dream.” She replies tiredly. She suddenly realizes she is decidedly not in the forest or the base. “How did I get here?”

Glimmer sighs and mutters, “Catra.”

“What?”

“Catra brought you back to the base, and then Swiftie flew you back here. She surrendered.”

"Why?"

“I don’t know.”

Adora looks down. She sees the bandages on her chest and arms, and remembers the pain in Catra’s eyes.

“Where is she?”

“Who? Catra?” 

Adora nods. 

“She’s in the not-dungeon.” 

“Not-dungeon?” Adora asks, eyebrow raised.

“It’s our dungeon. But it’s pretty nice so we call it a not-dungeon.” Glimmer shrugs, picking at her cape. 

There’s a beat of silence.

“Is she okay? Is she hurt?” Adora blurts out after a moment. She’s surprised at the amount of concern in her voice. Catra was her best friend for years. Guess she still cares to some degree. She doesn't know if that's a good thing. She doesn't what's good anymore.

“I dunno. Bow said she was okay. Just cuts and bruises.”

There’s another beat of silence.

“Do you want to see her?” Glimmer asks quietly. Adora doesn’t reply, not quite sure what her answer is.

“I don’t know…” She eventually whispers.

Glimmer opens her mouth to say something but decides against it. She instead places a soft hand over Adora’s for a moment. 

“I’ll let you rest.” She takes a step and disappears into thin air. Adora can still feel the ghost of the touch on her hand. A memory of her doing the same to Catra after a particularly brutal punishment from Shadow-Weaver comes to mind. She lets her eyes slip shut, but sleep doesn’t come for a long time. 

Sleep does come, but fleetingly, and she wakes feeling more tired than before. Her body is still sore but she can tell the cuts have mostly healed. 

She removes the bandages on her chest and swings her legs off the bed, gently stepping down to the ground. Her muscles protest but she ignores them, heading for the throne room. She stops in her room for fresh clothes and sees her sword leaned up against the window. She instinctively steps towards it but stops herself. She’s not ready to use it again. Not yet.

She slips on a pair of loose training pants and a long sleeve shirt. She ignores how the fabric stings slightly on the cuts that aren’t fully healed. She heads towards the throne room, and is about to turn down the hallway that leads there when she bumps into Glimmer.

“Woah, why are you up you should be resting!” Glimmer exclaims, immediately giving her a once over.

“Glimmer, I’m fine. My super healing worked and I’ll be okay by tomorrow. I need to go see your mom.”

She tries to brush past Glimmer, who stops her.

“Mom’s in there with someone right now. You can talk to her later.” Glimmer turns her around and gently pushes her away from the throne room.

“But I-” Adora wants to keep protesting but keeps her mouth shut. Whoever’s in there must be important. And Glimmer wouldn't keep anything from her right?

The sit outside for a while, Glimmer not letting Adora do anything stressful, AKA anything fun. Not that Adora really wants to do anything fun. After twenty minutes of Glimmer talking about something and Adora not really listening, Adora sighs and stands up, turning to head back into the castle.

“Hey, Glimmer, I’m gonna head back inside. I’m still pretty tired and I have to talk to your mom. I’ll find you and Bow later okay?” She’s lying through her teeth and she’s pretty sure Glimmer can tell. Glimmer doesn’t say anything, nodding and letting her go. Adora lets out a sigh of relief that does not go unnoticed and walks far faster than necessary to get as back to her own room. 

She sits on the windowsill, staring out at the sky for hours. Memories of her and Catra play through her mind and she forces herself not to cry. Her still healing wounds ache as memories of the fights they’ve had play and she remembers herself desperately begging for Catra to join her and every time Catra refusing. She understands why now. Adora’s a reminder of all the pain she went through. Adora’s the reason she went through all that pain. Glimmer always told her that Catra didn’t deserve her attention. Really it was the other way around. She didn’t deserve Catra. And she’s disgusted at herself for what she’s turned Catra into.  
Shadow-Weaver would be proud, she thinks to herself.

Bow is the one who eventually finds her, joining her on the windowsill. He doesn’t try to talk to her, waiting for her to open up on her own. A part of her appreciates it, but a part of her wishes it was Glimmer, so her mind could focus on something other than Catra.

She doesn’t know how long they sit the, but she eventually tears her eyes away from the pinks and oranges in the sky from the setting sun.

“Is she okay?”

“I don’t know. Queen Angella had guards escort her to the throne room while I was out. I'm assuming the two of them talked. She’s free to talk to you by the way. Queen Angella that is.”

Adora nods and slides off the windowsill.

“Will she stay here?”

“I don’t know. I think that’s up to her.”

Adora nods again and leaves Bow there. She makes her way to the throne room slowly, thinking about what to say. 

She enters the throne room, slowly pushing open the door. Queen Angella is sitting at her throne, talking to one of her guards.

“-And make sure she’s secured” Adora catches the last bit of the conversation. Queen Angella notices her and nods at the guard, who hurries off.

“Adora, good to see you awake. How are you feeling?” Her voice floats over the open room as Adora approaches her and bows.

“I’m feeling better, thank you.” She tries to stand up straight, ignoring the pain in her shoulders and back, looking the queen in the eyes. "Catra, I was told she was brought in.”

Queen Angella nods. “Yes. She turned herself in.” Adora’s eyebrows shoot up.

“She surrendered? Willingly?” She asks incredulously.

“Yes. A great victory for the rebellion. Do you know if they’ll send people after her?”

“The Horde doesn’t sacrifice soldiers for rescue missions.”

“Then why did they come after you?”

Adora stops short at that. The question echoes between them, hanging heavily in the air. She doesn’t really know. Except she does. 

“Shadow-Weaver. Formerly known as Light-Spinner. She was my mentor when I was at the Horde. She essentially raised Catra and I together, but she always favored me over Catra.”

Queen Angella nods, clearly not realizing the extent of her and Catra’s past together in the Horde.

“A guard can escort you down to see her if you wish.” She offers softly. Adora freezes. Less than two days ago, she would’ve jumped at the chance to see Catra. Now she isn’t so sure if she wants to, or if she even should.

“Thanks.” she manages to force out. “But not now.”

Queen Angella doesn’t press further and Adora internally lets out a sigh of relief. Adora bows and leaves without another word, her mind racing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Catra's side will be up sometime in the next few days, honestly depending on how busy I am. School and life gets hectic y'know? Let me know in the comments if you want Catradora to get together. I personally haven't decided, so if you want to see Catradora, leave a comment, and if you don't, leave a comment with an alternative.


	5. Deal With the Rebel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra and Queen Angella have their long awaited talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A hundred virtual cookies to anyone who gets the pun in the title.  
> Anyway, Queen Angella and Catra finally have the conversation that's been referenced in the past few chapters. Queen Angella might feel OOC but we don't really get a lot of characterization for her other than through Glimmer or in the finale, so this is just my take on her. I feel like she holds a lot of untapped wisdom and I think she sees a lot of what Catra tries to hide, and she sees a lot more than our main characters think she does.  
> Anyway, here's my take.  
> ALSO, VERY IMPORTANT NOTES AT THE END!

Catra wakes suddenly, hearing footsteps come down the hallway. She blinks her exhaustion away and looks around her cell. The walls are covered in scratch marks and streaked in her blood. Which is disturbingly satisfying but that's a can of worms for another time. Her hands are covered in dried blood, both hers and Adora’s, and her entire body aches. 

The guards open her cell and slide in a plate filled with… food? Whatever it is, it smells heavenly and Catra hasn’t eaten since before the mission, which was yesterday morning. She wolfs it down, every lesson the Horde has ever taught her about being cautious towards the rebellion flying out the window. She wouldn’t even be mad if it was poisoned, at least it was a good meal.

The food wasn't poisoned, which was a nice gesture on behalf of the rebellion. The Horde would not have been so kind.

A set of guards come to collect her about an hour later and she’s blindfolded and handcuffed, the guards shoving her roughly down a hallway. 

She tries to remember the turns they’ve taken, her training finally kicking in, but they’re moving fast and she can’t see and wow this place is really big. She knows they’re taking unnecessary turns on purpose to throw her off and honestly she can’t blame them. She has been actively trying to kill them for the past six or so months.

They take off the blindfold off in front of a large door, which she can only assume leads to the throne room or something. She blinks, unaccustomed to the blinding white and gold and light surrounding her. The guards shove her forward roughly as the doors open. 

The first thing she notices is how bright it is. She’s never noticed how dark the Horde’s buildings are until now, when she’s surrounded by blinding light.

“Am I dead?” She mutters absently as the guards force her down to her knees in front of the woman she vaguely recognizes from the Battle of Bright Moon.

“You are decidedly not dead, hopefully you stay that way.” The woman says. She nods to the guards. “Leave us.” 

The guards bow and leave.

“My name is Queen Angella.” She says, her voice echoing in the open room.

“So you’re the one who’s responsible for all this princess rebellion crap.” Catra drawls lazily. Her confidence is entirely fake, but hopefully, this mildly intimidating woman can't see through her.

“Indeed I am. And who are you?”

“Catra.” She decides not to mention the whole "second in command to Lord Hordak" bit. She's reckless, not stupid.

Recognition flickers in Queen Angella’s eyes. “So you’re the one Adora can’t stop thinking about.”

“What?” Catra's eyebrows shoot up in surprise. She knew Adora wanted her to join the rebellion, but beyond that? She had no idea Adora thought about her.

“She’s volunteered for every mission that even slightly hints at you being there for the past six months. She says your name over and over in her sleep. My daughter’s observations, not mine. She’s wanted to get you on the Rebellion’s side since before the Battle of Bright Moon. For the life of me I can’t understand why, and now here you are, of your own volition. Why?” Queen Angella’s eyes pierce through her, as if she’s looking into Catra’s soul.

Catra opens her mouth to answer but no sound comes out. She doesn’t know why she’s here. Well, she does. But there’s no way she’s telling the head honcho of the entire Rebellion about her feelings.

“I didn’t want to be in the Horde anymore. Lord Hordak isn’t exactly nice to any of us.” She says lightly, not telling the truth, but not exactly lying either. Queen Angella looks at her skeptically.

“You just up and left the Horde because Hordak was being unpleasant?” She asks skeptically. She nods at the Force Captain badge on Catra’s shirt. “And no one’s coming after you, even though you’re a Force Captain?”

“I’m assuming Adora told you everything about the Horde?”

“Yes. Now, is anyone coming after you?” Catra stares down at the floor in front of her. Part of her wants to lie, her training finally kicking in. She sighs, deciding not to. It’s not like she can go back to the Horde anyway.

“Given that I’m second in command, Hordak might send my team after me. Scorpia and Entrapta might come too.” The Queen’s eyebrows shoot up.

“Entrapta? She’s alive?”

“Yes. After She-Ra and her little merry band of friends left her behind six months ago.”

“They all thought she died. We all did.”

“Well they thought wrong. I thought you rebels had decency or something. You didn’t even send people to retrieve her body.”

“And risk even more lives in the process? Not worth it.”

Catra quirks her head at that. The Horde had the same mindset, of course, Adora being the exception.

“It seems that the Rebellion and the Horde aren’t so different after all.”

“This is a war Catra. There will be a winner, but in the end, both sides lose. My hands are stained in so much blood already, I’d rather not add to it.”

There’s a beat of silence. Queen Angella seems to be oddly candid with her, and Catra has no idea why.

“Why haven’t you killed me yet?” Catra asks hesitantly.

“Would Hordak have killed someone who surrendered to the Horde?”

“Without question. After he’s drained them of information of course. Can’t have loose ends hanging.”

“Then I guess the Rebellion and the Horde are more different than you think. We believe that people can change. Adora believes you can be better. I don’t see that yet, though I trust you’ll prove your worth. Either that or you can spend the rest of your days in a cell.”

Another beat of silence hangs heavy between them

“Can I go back to the Horde?” Catra asks slowly.

“If it’s what you so choose.” Queen Angella answers without hesitation.

“You’re just gonna let me walk free?”

“You said it yourself, it’s a death sentence. You’re free to leave if you so choose, we won’t stop you, but I trust you have good judgment.”

“As in you trust me not to walk straight into a death trap.”

“You are not like Adora. Had she not seen what the Horde was doing, she would have gone straight back, regardless of the consequences to herself, because as many faults she has, she is loyal to the core. To a cause. Not necessarily the people within.” There’s a knowing glint in Queen Angella’s eyes that Catra files away for later. For now, she's more shocked at how easily Queen Angella saw straight through her and Adora.

“How did you…?"

“I’ve seen many things in my lifetime Catra. Brothers and sisters turning on each other because they are more loyal to a cause than to each other isn’t a new occurrence. But do not underestimate Adora’s love for you. I fully expected it to get her killed and I was nearly proven correct. I suggest you tread carefully if you choose to stay here.”

“It would be easier to kill me, or lock me up forever.”

“It would be. But I’m better than Hordak. At least I try to be. And Adora sees something in you that no one else seems to see, and as much as she is reckless, she trusts you, and I trust her judgment. The very fact that you’re standing here right now proves there’s still light left in you, even if you don’t want to admit it."

"How long until you let me leave?"

"You have a week to decide if you’d like to stay here or if you’d like to leave. I trust you’ll choose wisely.”

She snaps her fingers and the guards appear like magic. 

“Can I see her?” The words are out of her mouth before she can stop them. Queen Angella gives her an odd look that she can't quite place.

“That’s entirely up to her.” 

And just like that, the blindfold is on again and she’s headed back to her cell. She doesn’t bother trying to figure out a way back this time, it’s not like she’s gonna try to leave. The Rebellion’s head honcho is right about one thing. She’s reckless but she’s not stupid, and she’s definitely not like Adora. 

They take the blindfold off and push her into her cell, slamming it closed behind her. She leans against the wall and sits down. She isn’t going anywhere for a while.

She thinks about what Queen Angella said, that Adora would have gone back to the Horde had she not seen that attack on the village. How different their lives would be. Would Hordak already be ruling over Etheria in a reign of darkness? She doesn’t know. And she’s not sure if she wants to find out. Would Adora love her the way she loves-- No. She’s not gonna go there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please tell me if you think there's something about Catra's or Queen Angella's characterization I should change. If Catra seems very OOC now, I promise all will be revealed in time. I'll be starting a dive into the events of the six month time jump after the Battle of Bright Moon in Chapter Seven, the next chapter will be mostly a filler chapter.
> 
> Anyway, the bigger and more important news is that Catra and Adora will not be anything more than friends in the conclusion of this story. I'm sorry to all of you Catradora shippers, but from my perspective, I don't think they're able to be anything beyond friends, even if they do heal their relationship. That being said, Adora and Glimmer will not be ending up together, nor will Catra and Scorpia and/or Entraptra. I just don't think Catra or Adora are in a healthy and mature enough mental space to handle being in a relationship. So yeah, no ships in this story. Don't worry though, Catra and Adora will be friends by the end. Definitely not the same friends they were before, but they will be friends.
> 
> As always, leave a comment for what you wanna see, you will be credited, and thanks for reading!


	6. Talking With Voices She Can't Hear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora talks to her sword.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is mostly a filler chapter, just FYI.  
> Important notes at the end.

Adora can’t quite remember how she got back to her room. She remembers being in the throne room with Queen Angella, leaving, and then nothing. Her lungs burn a little so maybe she ran? She doesn’t know and she honestly doesn’t care enough to find out.

She absently feels herself grab the sword and sit down on the windowsill. Someone, probably Bow, left a sandwich and a cup of water there. Her stomach growls in response but her arms won’t move.

She stares out at the forest, thoughts of Catra and the Horde and Queen Angella’s words swirling around in her mind like a tornado that just _won’t_ stop. The sword is humming lightly in her hand, buzzing slightly with energy and warmth.

She looks down at it. There’s blood on it, probably a combination of hers and Catra’s. Her instincts scream at her to scrub off the blood as quickly as possible in the bathroom but her arms won’t move. All she can do is sit and stare at the blood stained on the handle and the blade.

There’s a knock on her door before Glimmer zaps herself in with Bow. Or at least she thinks it’s Bow. Yep, it’s Bow, she can hear the clink of his quiver against his shoulder guard.

“Hey Adora.”

The words feel wrong coming out of Glimmer’s mouth.

If she turns around, she knows she’ll see Glimmer looking at her like she’s glass on the verge of shattering. She knows Bow will just give her a look of pure sympathy. She doesn’t know which one would feel worse at this point. She doesn’t turn around.

She hears Bow whisper something to Glimmer and then the telltale zap of Glimmer disappearing. She can still sense Bow standing behind her.

“We’re here for you Adora. Don’t forget that.”

A single tear slips down her cheek as she desperately tries to keep her voice from cracking.

“I know.”

Bow sets something down on the table, probably a plate, before leaving, closing the door quietly behind him. She continues to stare out the window, her thoughts a never-ending stream of pain. She glances over at her sword, slightly alarmed at how much energy it takes to just turn her head.

“You started this.”

The sword just stares back at her, unblinking and unmoving.

“I wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for you.”

Once again, the sword doesn’t reply.

“I’m assuming I would have found you one way or another. Fate is sneaky like that.”

She pauses, blinking back tears.

“Were Catra and I are meant to be like this? Going from the closest friends to the bitterest of enemies over a stupid piece of metal? Because if we always end up like this, in every version of fate, I don’t know if I can trust fate anymore.”

The sword continues to stare blankly back at her.

“I should have known. I should have seen it. Maybe Catra and I would still be friends.”

 _“But maybe you would still be in the Horde.”_ An unhelpful voice in her mind supplies.

“And maybe it would be worth it.” She whispers quietly. She’s not sure if she’s talking out loud or in her head anymore. She doesn’t really care.

She can hear echoes of Bow and Glimmer’s voices telling her how the Horde is evil and how they kill people and stuff. How they’re the worst of the worst, how they have no compassion, no morals, nothing redeeming about them. She can hear them tell her that she’s better than the Horde.

But they didn’t sacrifice their entire world for a bunch of people they didn’t even know. They didn’t force themselves to leave behind the person they loved the most because their instincts screamed louder. They didn’t leave their other half behind to suffer. They didn’t stand by and let their other half suffer. They still had each other.

Adora stared straight into the eyes of the girl she loved more than anyone in the world and let her walk away.

And the worst part is that she knows she did the right thing. But how could walking away from someone she loved so much be right?

She shoves away her intrusive thoughts and closes her eyes, praying that sleep would keep her demons away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the last chapter before we dive into the sixish month time jump between the Battle of Bright Moon and the present. Chapters will be structured the same way, starting with Catra, then Adora. I'm already working on it so the next chapter should be up sometime in the next four days. Thanks for reading!


	7. Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six months ago, two weeks after the Battle of Bright Moon - Catra's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello children, many apologies about the late update, I had a mountain of homework I had to finish yesterday and my brain was not working at all afterward, so I decided to wait and upload an actually coherent chapter. So yeah, happy reading!
> 
> IMPORTANT UPDATE IN THE END NOTES!!!!!!

_Six Months Ago - Two Weeks After The Battle of Bright Moon_

Being named second in command was amazing, but it was also frustrating to no end. The former members of her squad didn’t trust her; not even Kyle would listen to her. Which was probably because of Rogelio but whatever, she had bigger fish to fry. Entrapta spent all of her time in the room with the runestone, and Catra was in charge of supervising her. She’s pretty sure Hordak could’ve found literally anyone else to do it, but he still didn’t trust her after her utter failure at Bright Moon. So she was back to square one. And ever since Shadow-Weaver died,

Catra’s lying on a pipe that runs through the room near the ceiling while Entrapta’s going on about some scientific mumbo-jumbo that Catra couldn’t understand if she tried. Her head hurts and the clicking and banging sounds coming from Entrapta’s worktable are not helping.

She’s just about to go up to the roof to clear her head when Scorpia pokes her head into the room and waves at Catra. Catra does her best to swallow her sigh of relief. Entrapta doesn’t even look up.

“Hey Catra! Hordak wants to talk to you!”

“Why?”

“I don’t know! But it’s probably important, he said it was a level yellow emergency.”

“And that means…?”

“It’s right below orange, which is right below red, which is the most important! So it’s pretty important. They covered this in-”

“I know I know, they covered it in Force Captain orientation blah blah blah.”

“Yeah! Now hurry up! You don’t wanna keep Hordak waiting.”

Catra rolls her eyes and hops down to the floor from the bar she was laying on. She gestures to Entrapta, who’s still working behind her.

“Make sure she doesn’t blow anything up.”

Scorpia nods and Catra brushes past her. Time to go talk to the big boss.

Hordak is sitting on his throne and she gives him a quick bow before standing at attention.

“Force Captain Catra... I have received intel that She-Ra and her forces will be patrolling on the outskirts of section B18. You are to lead a team to attack them. Capture or kill any princesses you find. Except for She-Ra. Bring her back _alive_.  Do well to remember the consequences if you fail.”

Catra nods and salutes, trying not to squirm underneath his heavy gaze. She’s second in command, she shouldn’t be afraid of him. She’s made it further than Adora ever had, she cannot mess it up. Plus a chance to lead a team and fight Adora’s merry band of idiots? Highlight of her week. It’s also way better than babysitting Entrapta (whom she does respect and somewhat tolerate but definitely doesn’t want to babysit all day).

They leave an hour later, skiffs speeding over the wasteland and out towards the outskirts of the rebellion’s land, tanks lumbering behind them.

Turns out sector B18 is the west side of the Whispering Woods. Which is still in ruins. Sort of. Apparently magical forests grow back quickly.

Her head still hurts but she forces the pain away as the skiffs slow and they begin scanning the area for any sign of Adora- no- She-Ra and her idiot friends.

They search the area for hours, but there’s nothing. Half the team is telling her to just go back but Catra refuses. She will not fail this mission. In the end, it’s Kyle who spots them first, a tiny glow in the thickest part of the regrown forest. Everyone looks to her for orders.

“Lethal force is authorized." Her voice rings out over the forest. "Except for She-Ra. She’s mine.”

She glances over the edge of the skiff, just able to see the glow of She-Ra and her sword a couple hundred feet away.

“Let’s go.”

The skiffs dive down towards the light. The wicked smile on Catra’s face only grows. She hates fighting Adora more than anything. But fighting She-Ra? She craves it. Somewhere deep in her bones, she can’t help but go back for more.

They catch She-Ra and her friends by surprise Sparkle princess and arrow boy are there, along with the flowery princess that she _really doesn’t like._

“ _You’re jealous…”_ An unhelpful voice in her head supplies as she chases after She-Ra.

“I AM NOT JEALOUS!” She yells. The birds in the trees scatter and she suddenly realizes she’s alone.

There’s a crack of a branch breaking behind her and she whirls around just in time to get tackled by She-Ra.

“Hey Adora.” She drawls, even though she knows she’s not fighting Adora. Her hands are pinned above her head and She-Ra’s forearm is pressed on her throat. For a split second, she’s hyper-aware of how close they are. She ignores it and kneels She-Ra in the stomach  _hard_.

The arm on her throat disappears and she takes the opening to slip away. Not for long though, She-Ra chases after her, all heavy swings and lumbering steps that Catra easily avoids. Not that it’s any consolation, Catra’s still wildly outmatched.

“Come with me Catra,” She-Ra begs between punches. “Please, you know what the Horde is doing is wrong!”

“The only reason you and I aren’t on the same side is because you got a shiny new sword!” Catra snarls back. “I’m not coming with you. Not now, not ever!”

She takes the opening and launches forward, her claws coming down in a deadly arc towards She-Ra’s side, who doesn’t completely dodge. Two claws slash deep and Catra knows there’s blood dripping underneath that magical white armor. It frustrates her to no end that she can’t see the blood, but a part of her is glad she can’t. She can live with hurting She-Ra like that. She’s not sure if she can live with hurting Adora like that. But then again, she already has. She pushes the thought away and surges forward to attack. She-Ra dodges cleanly this time and Catra only hits air.

They’re about to launch at each other again but the Horde retreat signal goes up, snapping their attention away from each other. She-Ra turns back to her but Catra backflips away, landing smoothly on a tree branch.

“Until next time...” She drawls. There’s a skiff coming towards them. She throws She-Ra a lazy two-fingered salute and grabs onto the skiff as it comes towards her, swinging her body into it. She-Ra launches after her but misses. She doesn’t look back. She knows if she does, she’ll see Adora looking back at her, and her heart can’t take that. Not anymore. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! No promises on when the next update will be but I'm aiming for within the next four or five days. Winter break starts on Friday so hopefully, I'll be able to update more often once I have more free time. Until next time!
> 
> IMPORTANT UPDATE: Just so all of you guys are aware, starting from this chapter I'm planning on doing a deep dive into the events that happened between the Battle of Bright Moon all the way until the present time established in chapters 1-6. It's more to give structure and explanation, plus there are some key events that need to be explained before Catra and Adora reunite. So stick around, this is gonna be a ride. Adora's chapter will be up next.


	8. The Pain Behind Her Eyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six months ago, two weeks after the Battle of Bright Moon - Adora's perspective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update! Anyway, here's Adora's perspective on the last chapter. 
> 
> PS: Important stuff in the end notes.
> 
> PPS: I am complete Runaways trash and I spent all of yesterday binging it. So yeah. Anyone else?

_Six Months Ago - Two Weeks After The Battle of Bright Moon_

The Horde had gone oddly silent after the Battle of Bright Moon. No attacks, no sign of their mecha-bots, no threats from Hordak, nothing.

For two weeks, there was peace. Actual peace. No attacks, no Catra, no threat from the Horde. Adora, Bow, Glimmer, all the princesses, Queen Angella, they could all relax for the first time in a very long time. And it was amazing.

Well, it would’ve been amazing, if Adora could  _just go to sleep_. Every time she tried to close her eyes, memories she can’t make out flash behind her eyelids, feeling like knives stabbing into her brain.

She hadn’t been able to rest properly since she left the Horde but she’d chalked that up to the stress of trying to save the world. Now? She has no idea what to do.

The only time she has been able to sleep is when she’s so exhausted that her body has no choice but to pass out. But her dreams make even less sense, and she can’t remember them when she wakes up.

The only thing she remembers is pain. Pain in her mind, in her body, everywhere. She can’t escape it.

She’s pretty sure Glimmer and Bow have begun to notice but they haven’t pushed her on it yet. She’s not sure what to say if they ask.

As of right now, it’s midnight and she’s so, so tired. She’s tried to sleep at least four times so far, but every time the stabbing pain behind her eyes would wake her up immediately. She’s given up and resorted to staring out the window in hopes of tiring her brain out.

Given that she’s been staring at the same tree for the last who knows how long, it’s not working.

She sighs and hops down from the windowsill. She pulls on training clothes and grabs her sword. Maybe training will help.

She punches and kicks and leaps and swings for hours, trying to force her body to tire itself out. It only kind of works. Her body is exhausted but her mind _just won’t shut off._ She closes her eyes anyway, trying to ignore the excruciating stabbing pain.

She feels her mind begin to shut off, and then finally, blissful sweet darkness.

She wakes to a blinding light above her. She opens her eyes groggily, feeling as if though she hasn’t slept a wink. She blinks the last remnants of sleep away and realizes the blinding light above her is the sun, and that she’s lying in the middle of the training grounds.

Her sword is lying a few feet away from her, pulsing slightly. She slowly gets up, muscles screaming, and grabs her sword, heading back inside. This one isn’t going to be fun to explain.

She finds Bow and Glimmer in her room, with Glimmer pacing frantically and Bow trying to calm her down.

“Uh, hey guys.” Glimmer’s head snaps up and suddenly she’s engulfed in a hug.

“Where were you?” She asks frantically. “I woke up and I came to check on you and you were gone!”

“I was training.” Bow gives her an odd look.

“Adora, I came to check on you before the sun came up.” The concern on Glimmer’s face grows. “You weren’t here. How long were you training?”

Adora wants to lie, to tell them that everything is fine. She can feel the words forming in her throat but they die before she can force them out.

“I- I don’t know.” She can feel tears starting to form and her throat is burning. Her entire body feels weak all of a sudden and her sword slips out of her hands, falling and clattering on the ground. Her vision is blurry and she takes a step and then she’s falling. Until she’s not.

Bow catches her and picks her up. She vaguely feels them moving over to her bed and being placed down. Her eyes slip shut for a second and the stabbing pain is back. She grits her teeth, holding back a cry of pain.

“Adora! Are you okay? What’s going on?” Glimmer is by her side and she and Bow are both looking at her like she just started bleeding profusely. Maybe she hadn’t held back that cry as well as she thought.

She sighs. “I haven’t been able to sleep. Ever since the battle, every time I close my eyes, there’s this sharp pain in my head, like someone’s trying to stab me from inside my head. I can’t sleep unless I tire myself out to the point my body gives out. And even then, I don’t sleep well.”

Dead silence. One moment. Then two. Then-

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Adora doesn’t know how to describe the look on Glimmer’s face. A mixture of despair and betrayal and anger. Something she can only call heartbreak.

“I thought I could fix it on my own.” No that’s a lie. “I thought it would go away.”

Bow glances over her shoulder at something and his eyes go wide. He gently turns her head and touches a spot behind her ear.

“What’s this?” Glimmer glances over and her eyes widen too.

“What’s what? What are you looking at?” Adora asks, alarmed.

“There’s um, a weird red pattern behind your ear. Sort of like if someone took your blood vessels and highlighted them red.” Bow turns to Glimmer. “It’s almost like…”

“Shadow-Weaver’s magic.” She finishes.

Adora sits up and waves a hand in front of the two of them. “Um, hi guys, still here and confused and very tired. What’s this about Shadow-Weaver’s magic?”

“What if these headaches are just remnants of whatever Shadow-Weaver did to you at the Horde?”

“Shadow-Weaver may have been mean but she’s never hurt me.”

“Maybe she did something before she tried to wipe your memory?”

“I dunno. Whatever it is though, I don’t know how to deal with it. I’ve tried tiring myself out, I’ve tried going to the infirmary, I’ve tried just forcing myself to go to sleep. I’ve tried everything short of just straight-up knocking myself out.” Another beat of silence. Glimmer is clearly worried sick and Bow looks like he’s thinking.

Bow suddenly brightens considerably and stands up. “Wait, hold on I think I know a place where you might be able to get some sleep, and maybe get rid of whatever Shadow-Weaver did to you.”

Adora stands too, albeit slowly. “Take me there. Please.”

Bow and Glimmer share a look.

“Are you sure you want to take her there?”

“Glimmer, what other choice do we have?”

“Fine.”

Wherever this place was, Glimmer was clearly hesitant to share it. Adora doesn’t care. Anything is better than whatever she’s doing now. Bow grabs her sword, Glimmer grabs her hand, and they disappear.

They reappear in a clearing next to a waterfall.

“What is this place?” Adora looks around in wonder.

Bow rubs the back of his head sheepishly. “We’re not really sure.”

“We were wandering through the Whispering Woods a few years back and we found this place. We think the water has some mild healing properties, we’re not really sure how. Regardless it’s one of our go-to places to escape from everything.” Glimmer walks around the clearing as she describes it, the stress melting away.

“Do you think it’ll help me sleep?”

“We’re not sure.” Glimmer comes back to them. “But maybe.”

“Maybe’s good enough for me.” Adora strips and slowly gets into the small pool at the foot of the water. It’s surprisingly warm and she lets the water wash over her. She closes her eyes tentatively. The pain is still there, but it’s lessened. Enough for her to ignore. And for the first time in who knows how long, she sleeps.

She wakes up to someone shaking her. She opens her eyes blearily. It’s Glimmer.

“Adora! Wake up! Bow was on lookout at he saw Horde skiffs.” She says frantically. Adora immediately snaps awake and gets out of the pool. She feels better than she has in a long time. She doesn’t bother getting dressed, immediately grabbing her sword.

“FOR THE HONOR OF GRAYSKULL!” She closes her eyes and lets the armor form over her body. It’s almost comforting. Her eyes snap open and she’s taller, her hair is longer, and she’s no longer herself. Well, not completely.

“Um, Adora, Catra’s here too. I think she’s leading them.” Bow calls from where he’s sitting in a tree.

“You and Glimmer take care of them.” She calls back. She grits her teeth. “I got Catra.”

Bow and Glimmer nod and take off towards where the skiffs are headed. Adora watches as a single figure leaps off a skiff and descends down towards the forest. Catra.

“I’M NOT JEALOUS!” Adora hears Catra before she sees her. She takes another step towards her. CRACK. Oops. She leaps forward right as Catra turns around, tackling her to the ground.

“Hey Adora.” Catra drawls from underneath her. Catra’s hands are pinned above her head and Adora presses her forearm on her throat. For a split second, she’s hyper-aware of how close they are. She pushes the thought away and suddenly Catra kneels her in the stomach _hard_.

Catra takes the chance to slip away. Not for long though, Adora chases after her, swinging her sword in deadly arcs that Catra easily avoids. Not that it’s any consolation, they both know Catra’s still wildly outmatched.

“Come with me Catra,” Adora begs between punches. “Please, you know what the Horde is doing is wrong!”

“The only reason you and I aren’t on the same side is because you got a shiny new sword!” Catra snarls back. “I’m not coming with you. Not now, not ever!”

Adora falters for a split second and Catra takes the opening, launching forward, her claws coming down in a deadly arc towards her side. She doesn’t completely dodge and two of Catra's claws slash deep. Adora can feel the blood flowing underneath her armor.

Catra launches forward and swipes at her again but Adora dodges cleanly this time and Catra only hits air.

They’re about to launch at each other again but the Horde retreat signal goes up, snapping their attention away from each other. Adora turns back to Catra but she backflips away, landing smoothly on a tree branch.

“Until next time...” She drawls. There’s a skiff coming towards them. Catra throws her a lazy two-fingered salute and grabs onto the skiff as it's overhead, swinging her body into it. Adora launches after her but misses. All she can do is stare after her. She lets her armor fade and the pain from Catra’s claws sets in. Part of her wants to get back in the water and let it heal but another, louder voice in her head tells her not to. She’ll let them scar. She’ll let them be a reminder of what she lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For future reference, I'll try to update every four days, once a week at the very least. I want to give you guys my best work, and sometimes the words just won't come. I'd rather you guys wait a little longer between updates rather than forcing out a chapter I'm not proud of. I'm on Winter Break right now so I'll have more free time, so hopefully, that means more of this story for you.
> 
> Anyway, let me know in the comments if you want either:
> 
> 1) Alternating flashback chapters, Catra then Adora, from now all the way until we're back in the present set in Chapter 1. Essentially, I tell everything that happens in the time jump continuously.  
> OR  
> 2) Alternating flashback chapters but one chapter from in between every flashback duo. So basically a flashback from Catra, a flashback from Adora, and then a present-day chapter from Catra and Adora.
> 
> Put which one you want in the comments and I'll do whichever one has the most votes. 
> 
> Also, check out my other story for this fandom here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16902576  
> We love shameless self-promotion. *hides under a rock*
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	9. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look at what's going on in Adora and Catra's lives in the present.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't a long chapter, just a short flash to the present day, looking into what Adora and Catra are doing right now.

_ Present day - Adora _

The sun is high in the sky when Adora wakes up. She can’t remember the last time she slept for so long and it’s an odd feeling. She sits up slowly as the memories of the previous days come crashing down. Her and Catra fighting, her surrender, waking up in the infirmary, talking to Queen Angella, Bow and Glimmer trying to reach out. A wave of guilt washes over her at the thought of them. All they wanted was to help her and she pushed them away. 

Glimmer is in her own room, staring out her own window, a mirror image of what Adora spent so much time doing recently. 

“Hey.”

Glimmer immediately turns and her eyes light up. “Hey! Good to see you awake. Are you okay?” 

Adora tries to smile and she thinks she got halfway there. “Not really. But I’ll get there.”

Glimmer gives her a half smile back. “That’s all we can really ask for isn’t it?”

_ Present Day - Catra _

Catra stares up at the ceiling of her cell, her conversation with Queen Angella replaying in her mind. She wasn’t really sure what she’d expected from the leader of the Rebellion. It certainly wasn’t humanity and kindness. She certainly didn’t expect to be allowed to leave. 

It’s daytime, probably around midday considering it’d been a few hours since they delivered her breakfast tray. The sun is shining outside and she’s never seen this amount of light and brightness since the Battle of Bright Moon. The Horde’s never had this amount of brightness ever and she sort of understands why Adora stayed. Not that she’d ever tell her that. 

There’s a flurry of movement outside her door and she sits up. The door opens and Bow is looking down at her.

“Um, hi. Why are you here exactly?”

“Maybe I just want to talk.” His voice is soft and genuine. A true rarity in Catra’s life. But she’s suspicious. 

“Why?”

“It seems like you could use a friend.” Hm. She hasn’t had one of those in a long time. She decides to throw caution to the wind. 

“So, friend. What do you want to talk about?”


	10. Rememberance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago - Two months and two weeks after The Battle of Bright Moon - Catra's perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title doesn't really have anything to do with the chapter, I just liked it. If you have a better title, please leave a comment. If you don't, leave a comment anyway. I crave validation. Anyway, happy reading!

_ Four months ago - Two months and two weeks after The Battle of Bright Moon _

Catra lies awake in her little sleeping nook, her head pounding. She’s taken to sleeping in the hidden corner above Shadow-Weaver’s chamber, which is now Entrapta’s lab. She would sleep in her old bunk in the dorms, but her former squad still doesn’t like her. Maybe it’s for the best. Adora was the only- No. She’s not going to let Adora control her life. Not anymore. 

She sits up and slides down to the ground, landing silently. Being part cat had its perks and she’s in no mood to answer questions as to why she’s awake at this hour. Not that she knows what time it is. 

She doesn’t know how long she wanders around the base. Minutes? Hours? Time doesn’t really mean much when there’s nothing to do. Ever since she epically failed at capturing She-Ra and the glitter princess, Hordak hasn’t let her go out on missions involving them. Not that they haven’t been active, she just hasn’t been allowed to lead a team. She knows the Rebellion is still active and she knows they’re stronger than they’ve ever been before but so is the Horde. As annoying Entrapta can be, her technology was changing the game. Why beat the game when you can rewrite the rules?

She eventually finds herself on the roof of one of the taller buildings. The clock she glanced at on the way up tells her the sun should be rising soon. She looks out at the horizon. If she looks out far enough, she can watch the sun peek over the edges of the buildings. It’s peaceful. As peaceful one can be in the Horde at least. 

She watches the sun fully rise and begin to climb into the sky before going back inside. The headache she had earlier now completely gone. She quietly slinks through the hallways, not quite sure where to go. She finds herself outside Entrapta’s lab again, the very place she was trying to avoid. Entrapta’s not completely absorbed in her work for once and is lazily tinkering with Emily the robot as Catra enters.

“Hey Catra! Are you my supervisor again? Cuz I don’t really need one and if something goes wrong I’d rather you not be in the blast radius.”

“Not here officially. Just wandering.”

“Oh. Okay.” She turns back to tinkering with the robot. Catra’s not too sure what to do after that and turns to leave, walking straight into Scorpia.

“Oh, Catra! I was looking for you!” She says far too brightly given how early it was.

“Scorpia, hi. Why were you looking for me?”

“Hordak wants to see you.” Hmm. Well that certainly changes things. 

She nods. “Thanks, Scorpia.” 

Hordak’s throne room is just as ominous and vaguely unsettling as the last time she was in there, the various green lights and pipes in the room not exactly creating a warm atmosphere. She kneels at his feet.

“Force Captain Catra… I gave you a chance to capture our enemy. You squandered it.” She winces internally, swallowing her empty excuse. “I’m giving you another chance. Do well to remember the consequences if you fail. Ocean sector C23.”

“Yes sir.”  When it rains, she can still feel the sting from the cuts the robot had left on her after it threw her around like a ragdoll. For the first time, her punishment left more bruises on her body than it did on her pride. For the first time, she stopped fighting back near the end. She’s not sure if Hordak noticed. She’s not sure if she cares if he did. 

She stands and bows before turning and leaving, her thoughts swirling like a hurricane. As the fleet of boats heads out, she can’t help but feel a looming sense of dread. As if she’s doomed to lose the battle. She can sense Scorpia giving her concerned looks from across the deck but she couldn’t care less. 

As expected, She-Ra and her friends are where Hordak said they would be. Along with the water princess who hit her with a wave during the Battle of Bright Moon. She had a particular dislike for that one. 

She turns to her crew and they stand at attention, waiting for their orders.

“Take the water princess. Be careful, this is her turf and she will show no mercy. Lethal force is authorized, bring her and glitter princess in at any cost. A dead princess is better than no princess. I’ll take She-Ra.”

The princesses let them get close to shore and as soon as they’re in leaping distance, Catra is launching herself off the boat and towards She-Ra. 

She-Ra dodges and Catra tucks herself into a ball, rolling a few times before flipping back onto her feet. They lock eyes, and the world is just them.

“Hey Adora.” 

And they’re fighting. The sand is both a huge advantage and disadvantage, with both of them trying to kick or throw sand into the other’s face. Catra’s never had this much sand on her body before and the amount of sand she has in her hair and in  _ other  _ places is too much sand. Way too much sand. 

She doesn’t have time to dwell on those thoughts however as She-Ra’s sword comes swinging down at her face. She launches forward and manages to catch one claw on She-Ra’s right leg and she slices down  _ hard.  _ She-Ra goes down and she’s about to go over to finish the job when there’s a whistling sound and there’s an arrow coming straight towards her.

“CATRA!” 

She’s shoved out of the way by someone and there’s a squelch of the arrow going into flesh and the groan of whoever just got shot. Who is on top of her. She brushes the sand off of her face and wiggles her way out of the mass on top of her, which is red… a familiar red.

“Scorpia!” 

The arrow guy is running towards her and She-Ra is still next to her, standing back up. Scorpia is standing up too, though she isn’t exactly looking great. 

“Okay let’s go.” Catra grabs Scorpia’s claw and they’re sprinting for the ship. She hears the arrow guy draw and nock an arrow. But it never flies. 

“Let them go.” She-Ra’s voice isn’t loud, but it’s clear she was meant to hear those words. Why? No time to think about it now, she and Scorpia get on the ship as fast as possible, sound the retreat signal, and get out. 

The ship’s med bay is small but there’s a bed, a medic, and supplies which is better than anyone expected. Scorpia’s face is paler than normal and Catra doesn’t know how to feel. She doesn’t feel guilty over Scorpia taking the bullet, that was her own choice, but she feels bad. Scorpia was there for her when no one else was. Which is probably the only reason she’s still sitting with her in the dingy little room while the medic does whatever he’s doing.

“I’m sorry Scorps. I should’ve, I dunno, dodged or something.” She tries to offer comfort but even she knows her words come out cold. Scorpia still smiles though.

“It’s okay! You’re my friend! You would’ve done the same for me!” Catra opens her mouth to reply but the medic cuts her off.

“I’m about to remove the arrow and I’m gonna knock her out for it. You should leave.” Catra doesn’t think twice and leaves as fast as she can, offering a half smile of support to Scorpia before heading upstairs. 

As she walks back up to the deck, Scorpia’s words play over and over in her mind.  _ “You would have done the same for me!” _ And the more she thinks about it, the more the words sound like a lie. There’s only ever been one person who she would take an arrow, a shot, any sort of attack for. 

_ “You would have done the same for Adora…” _ Tears spring to her eyes. She forces them back, refusing to let them fall. Letting them fall would mean the voice was right. And she refuses to believe that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading as always, also, DOUBLE UPDATE???????  
> Don't get used to it though, I scrapped these last two chapters together like today mostly because I had nothing else to do and I had a burst of inspiration. Anyway, the next chapters are in the works and will most likely be up by next Monday though no guarantees.


	11. Arise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Four months ago - Two months and two weeks after The Battle of Bright Moon - Adora's perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back y'all! Anyway, I hope all of you had a great holiday and that your hangovers aren't too bad. Here's Adora's perspective of the last chapter. Happy reading!

_ Four months ago - Two months and two weeks after The Battle of Bright Moon _

Adora lies awake in her bed, staring blankly at the ceiling. The headaches were a little better after the visit to the spring, though they were still present, she could sleep. Sort of. There were still nights where she laid awake, unable to shut her mind off due to pain or something else.

Bow and Glimmer insisted on taking her to the spring once a week and she wasn’t exactly in any mood to complain. Being able to sleep again was pretty nice, even if it was somewhat sparingly. 

The weird red markings behind her ear hadn’t disappeared though. After they’d gone home from the spring the first time, she looked in the mirror and discovered the markings were behind her other ear as well. No one was really sure what they were or where they came from and Adora didn’t really know if she should care anymore. They’re just red marks.

She sighs and gets out of bed, knowing that sleep wasn’t coming. She grabs her sword and sits down in her windowsill, staring out at the moon. The gem in the guard is pulsing slightly as usual and Adora can’t help but wonder if the sword is alive. It certainly would explain a lot. How it transformed to be exactly what she needed before she could even think of it. How it called to her and only her. How it’s pulse seemed to be linked to her heartbeat. No. It’s just a piece of tech. First-One’s tech sure, but just tech. But if it is alive, could she access the memories of the She-Ras before her? 

She thinks back to her battles with Catra. Back to The Battle of Bright Moon. How her mind was there, but it wasn’t really her. Almost as if she was an outsider looking in, her body moving on its own but it was her words that came out of her mouth. If the sword is truly alive, does the armor it gives her come alive too? Does she become someone else? Does Adora take the backseat and She-Ra takes charge? And if that does happen, is that really the worst thing?

Her eyelids droop, the extensive thought into whether or not her magical armor-giving sword was sentient exhausting her mind. She slips off the windowsill, leaving the sword up there, and climbs into bed. She lets her mind shut off, and she drifts off. 

She doesn’t dream that night, though just as she fell asleep and just as she wakes up, there was an odd pulsing behind her ears. It fades after a moment and she doesn’t read too much into it. 

She finds Glimmer down in the village near the castle, entertaining a few of the kids.

“Hey Glimmer!”

Glimmer immediately looks up and her eyes light up at the sight of Adora, though Adora’s not quite sure why. “Adora! Hi! How did you sleep?” She waves her arm again and sends the kids off with one last shower of glitter and then run off laughing gleefully. 

“Pretty well, all things considered.” They fall into step together, heading back towards the castle.

“No headaches?”

“Surprisingly no actually. No weird dreams either.”

“That’s great! Maybe the spring is working it’s magic finally.”

“Maybe.” She glances over at Glimmer. “So, why are you all the way down here? Aren’t you usually with your mom right now?”

Glimmer’s quiet for once, almost unsure what to say. “We’re in the middle of an argument. Again.”

They’re back in the castle now and Adora lets Glimmer silently lead them her room. Glimmer dramatically flops face down on her bed and Adora takes a seat next to her. They sit in silence.

Glimmer eventually sits up and sighs. “She thinks I’m being too reckless with you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

A beat of silence. Another sigh from Glimmer.

“She found out that you were having headaches. And that we were taking you to the spring.”

“And that’s bad because…?”

“She doesn’t want you going on missions anymore.”

Adora wants to say something, anything, but she’s not quite sure what to say. Her instincts are screaming at her to protest, to talk to Queen Angella, but her logical side is telling her that the Queen might have a point. Her logical side wins out.

“Maybe your mom is right.” She says quietly. Glimmer looks at her incredulously.

“WHAT?”

“I mean, your mom has a point. I probably shouldn’t be out there fighting if I’m compromised.”

“But you aren’t. You’ve never had a headache during the day, you don’t get headaches when you’re She-Ra, wait…. Holy crap.” Glimmer’s eyes shine as she has an epiphany. 

“Um, what?” Adora has no idea what’s going on now.

“You don’t get headaches when you’re She-Ra!” Glimmer says, almost vibrating with excitement.

“But I also don’t sleep when I’m She-Ra.”

“It doesn’t matter my mom doesn’t know that c’mon!” She grabs Adora’s arm and the sword, tugging her towards the door. “We have a mission with Mermista.”

Glimmer and Bow are talking on the other side of the boat for most of the ride. Seahawk was nice enough to give them a lift and he’s doing something. She’s not quite sure. She’s been staring down at her sword for the last three hours, wondering if she is She-Ra or if She-Ra is merely using her body as a vessel. She finally looks up from the sword, out at the sea, ignoring the ache in her neck. She knows, somewhere deep in her bones, that Catra is coming. And she also knows that when she does fight Catra, her heart won’t be in it. Maybe it never has.

They get to the shore and Mermista comes out to greet them. Adora, Bow and Glimmer all avert their eyes at whatever Seahawk tries to do. They look back up a moment later and Seahawk is still breathing so everything seems to be fine. No sooner has the thought crossed Adora’s mind does the Horde’s ship appear over the distance, a small fleet of smaller, faster boats leading it. Standard Horde tactics.

“For the Honor of Grayskull!” She’s learned she doesn’t have to yell the words to activate the sword, though the transformation is just as bright. 

“Ready?” Glimmer looks so much smaller when Adora’s in this form.

“Ready.” Adora feels She-Ra force her way to the surface. She fights it, trying to keep herself a part of the equation. It only kind of works. And then Catra is launching herself at her and she doesn’t have time to think about it anymore.

She-Ra dodges and Catra tucks herself into a ball, rolling a few times before flipping back onto her feet. They lock eyes, and the world is just them.

“Hey Adora.” 

And then they’re fighting. The sand is both a huge advantage and disadvantage, with both of them trying to kick or throw sand into the other’s face. Adora’s never had this much sand on her body before, and the amount of sand she has in her hair and in  _ other  _ places is too much sand. Way too much sand. 

She doesn’t have time to dwell on those thoughts however as Catra’s coming towards her again and she swings her sword down at her face. Catra launches forward and manages to catch one claw on She-Ra’s right leg and she slices down  _ hard.  _

Adora feels herself fall and she hits the ground hard while Catra walks over to finish the job. She turns her head and sees Bow with an arrow nocked and pointed at Catra. She opens her mouth to scream but no words come out. She tries to move but her body won’t respond. And then there’s a whistling sound and there’s an arrow coming straight towards Catra and then suddenly a red mass is shoving Catra out of the way and there’s red everywhere. 

Catra helps up whoever just saved her, which Adora now sees is Scorpia. Bow nocks another arrow but Adora stops him.

“Let them go.” Her voice isn’t loud, but she knows Catra heard her. She’s not sure why she’s letting them go. But she does.

_ “She is a weakness…”  _ The voice in her head is no longer Shadow-Weaver’s. Maybe it never was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, as always leave feedback in the comments, leave a kudos, this author craves validation. The next chapter is already in the works and will be set in the present day. It should be up in a few days.


	12. Interlude Pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jump back to present day, Catra's perspective, then Adora's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again children, this will be the last of these "interlude" chapters, after this is two more flashback chapters and then we're fully back to present day. Anyway, this is a pretty short chapter, the good stuff comes in the next chapter. Happy Reading!
> 
> ALSO: I'm not really sure where this whole "Bow and Catra" friendship came from but I'm just gonna run with it because I like their dynamic.

“So you’re saying that you and Adora got yourselves trapped in a vent ten feet away from an incineration chamber and then you got yourselves out by dismantling the entire vent system and nearly destroying that entire section of the Horde?” Bow asks between bouts of laughter. 

“Yeah pretty much. They never managed to pin it on us, though Shadow-Weaver did push us particularly hard the weeks after.” Catra feels lighter than she has in months, years probably. She hasn’t laughed this hard since- since before Adora left. Long, long before Adora left. 

And the weight on her chest is back and her laugh dies in her throat, her smile disappearing. “Don’t you have something more important to be doing other than talking to a prisoner, arrow boy?” She quips in a half-hearted attempt to get him to leave. She wants to be alone. She  _ needs _ to be alone.

There’s a beat of silence as Catra stares at the ground and she then she hears him stand, his clothes rustling from the movement.

“I know you don’t need me to remind of you of this,” She looks back up and he’s a quarter of the way down the hall, looking down at her. “But you only have one day left to choose. I can’t tell you what to choose. All I can say is choose wisely. Not just for you.”

His footsteps echo as he walks away. She knows he wants her to stay. More for Adora’s sake than anyone else’s. 

“Adora’s lucky to have you by her side.” She calls out after him. She hears the footsteps stop, just for a second, and then he’s gone. And Catra’s alone with her thoughts again. 

The voice isn’t there. But the looming pressure of having to choose hangs over her, and she almost wishes she could hear the voice again, just to have someone to antagonize. Someone convince her to choose one side. But it’s silent. And Catra doesn’t know what to choose. Who to choose. 

_ Present day - Adora _

Glimmer’s far more still than normal, the bright smile fading off her face as she turns back to the window. Normally she’d be all over her room, words coming out of her mouth far faster than Adora can keep up with. But not today. Not right now. Glimmer just stares out her window, the events of the last few days clearly catching up to her as well. Adora doesn’t press. Even if she wanted to, she didn’t know what to ask.

Glimmer eventually breaks the silence. “Do you want to see her?”

“Didn’t you already ask me that?”

“Has your answer changed?” Adora’s silent. She knows the answer Glimmer’s looking for. A hard “no, I don’t want to see Catra.” The question echoes in her mind again. Wait, was that… jealousy? Why would Glimmer be jealous of Catra? She’s suddenly far more confused than she was a minute ago.

“No.”

“No as you don’t want to see Catra or no as in your answer hasn’t changed?”

“The second one.” A beat of silence. “Have you seen her?”

“Not yet.”

“Do you want to?”

Glimmer doesn’t answer, but Adora sees how she grips her arms a little tighter and her nails dig into her arm just a little harder.

Adora leans into her and Glimmer relaxes. They sit like that for a while, taking a moment to savor the peace.

They both have things to do. But maybe those things can wait. Just for a little while.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, as always, leave feedback and/or ideas in the comments below, or leave a kudos, I crave validation. Next chapter is already in the works and should be up this weekend, and after that, the updates might be kind of sporadic. School is starting next Monday so homework and tests and stuff are going take priority, but I'll try my best to get up at least one chapter a week.


	13. Run Wild

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two months ago - Four months and two weeks after The Battle of Bright Moon - Catra's perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Catra's perspective, and some self-reflection on her part. Adora's not the only one dealing with these weird headaches. Said headaches are linked to something. Guess what it is in the comments. 
> 
> A hint to the endgame in the endnotes.
> 
> Anyway, happy reading!

_Two months ago - Four months and two weeks after The Battle of Bright Moon_

Catra’s running. She’s running, running, running, her feet pounding on the ground beneath her, her lungs heaving, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She’s running, running, but who is she running from. She keeps running. She might not know what she’s running from, but she knows that if she’s running, it’s definitely worth running from.

 _“That’s not true…”_ A voice whispers. _“You ran from Adora. You ran from what she offered… You ran from her lo-”_

“SHUT UP!” She roars to no one. Her momentary lapse in focus causes her to trip and she falls. And falls. And falls.

She wakes up in a cold sweat, shivering violently even though she’s sleeping next to a pipe radiating warmth. She shakes away the last bit of sleep- if she can even call it that, and stands. She has to babysit Entrapta again, not that she minds, she’d just rather be doing anything but that.

Ever since her utter failure at capturing She-Ra two months ago, Hordak only sent her out on basic reconnaissance missions.

With the exception of that one scuffle one month ago that she’d threatened her entire team to not tell Hordak about. Because She-Ra wasn’t supposed to be there. Catra wasn’t supposed to see her. Catra wasn’t supposed to get so close and then fail again.

Of course, she’d never say it to his face, but sometimes she’d rather be working with the Rebellion than scope out another deserted part of an ocean or desert. But then the thought of working with She-Ra crosses her mind and she’s okay with working reconnaissance.

She takes the long way from her sleeping nook to Entrapta’s lab. Her dream isn’t sitting well with her and the headaches she’s been getting haven’t helped either. Every time she went near the runestone, the headaches would start. They usually faded quickly but every so often, a wave of pain would wash over her so strong that Scorpia had to carry her out of the room. She knows that Scorpia and Entrapta are both worried but it’s not like they matter to her. Well, not the way- No. Not now. Not ever.

_“Not the way Adora did…”_

“SHUT UP!” She instantly regrets yelling a sharp spike of pain shoots through her head and she falls to the ground, clutching her head, her words echoing in the hollow metal hallway around her.

She doesn’t know how long she’s curled up on the ground. Too long probably. Entrapta’s probably wondering where she is. No, Entrapta’s probably far too absorbed in her research to wonder where she is.

“Oh my god, Catra are you okay?” Scorpia’s voice snaps her out of her thoughts. She looks up and sees Scorpia looking down at her, concern shining in her eyes.

“I’m fine.” Catra brushes her off and stands up. The pain in her head hasn’t lessened at all but Scorpia doesn’t need to know that.

“Oh, well, you didn’t show up to monitor Entrapta and I got worried. You know if you don’t show up to an assignment you can get demoted right? They covered it in-”

“Yeah, I get it! They covered it in force captain training! They covered literally every single issue under the sun in force captain training! I don’t care! It’s not like I even went to that stupid class anyway!”

Silence. Shock, then horror crosses Scorpia’s face.

“You didn’t go to force captain training?”

“Nope. If Hordak has a problem with that, he can find me personally. Speaking of, I’m gonna go find him. I’m tired of sitting around here.” She storms off, not bothering to look back. She knows she won’t like what she sees if she does.

Fury swirls in the pit of her stomach as she storms to Hordak’s throne. She knows she should feel guilty for how she treated Scorpia. But this godforsaken headache _will not go away_ and she’s bored out of her mind and maybe a tiny part of her misses Adora. A lot.

Hordak doesn’t look surprised to see her. Then again, he probably sent his little demon child after her. She kneels in front of him and it takes every bit of her willpower not to vomit.

“Force Captain Catra, why are you here? You have an assignment.”

“Let me lead a team against the Rebellion.” She bites back the “please”. She’s bored, not desperate. Hordak doesn’t immediately dismiss her, which is a start. There’s a beat of silence. Then two, then three. Then Catra’s not sure if she made a mistake coming here.

“Fine. Take a team. And Scorpia. Sector A34.”

Well. That’s a start.

Finding Scorpia and then a team was easy. The journey over was not. Her headache was still incessantly pounding on the inside of her skull and her weird dream is still echoing in her mind.

Yes, she ran from Adora.

Yes, she ran from the chance at escape.

Yes, she ran from the chance to leave the one person who had made her childhood a living breathing hellscape.

But Adora ran first.

Adora is the reason she can’t escape.

Adora was too blind to realize that Shadow-Weaver was literally torturing her so-called best friend day in and day out.

There’s another spike in pain and suddenly she’s glad she’s not the one driving the tank. The roar of the engines covers the groan of pain she lets out. She closes her eyes and prays that Scorpia is more focused on driving than her.

Adora was the reason she was alone.

Adora was always the star. The golden girl. And Catra was happy to stand in her shadow. To fall so Adora wouldn’t have to. To lower herself to raise Adora up. To fail so Adora could succeed. She only ever wanted to save Adora, and then maybe herself along the way. Adora was the only reason she stayed in the Horde as long as she did. She knew six ways out of the Horde by the time she was fourteen and the only reason she stayed as long as she did was

Adora. Adora. Adora. Adora.

The girl who promised she would stay.

The girl who left as soon as she saw the truth.

The girl who couldn’t see the truth right in front of her eyes.

She’s jolted by the tank hitting a bump and Scorpia’s apology that’s drowned out by the engines. She ignores it and stands up, leaning over Scorpia’s shoulder. They’re nearly there, but there’s no sign of Adora and her princess friends. Unless…

“Scorpia you’re in charge!”

“Okay- Wait, what?”

Catra opens the hatch and hops out, swinging herself onto the nearest tree. The plants around her seem brighter, more alive, which can only mean one thing. They’re in the hippie flower princess’s territory. She watches the tanks and skiffs slow to a stop at the rendezvous point. And all hell breaks loose.

She hears footsteps come up behind her. Not the heavy, lumbering steps of She-Ra. Softer, lighter, more careful.

“Hey Adora.”

“How did you know it was me?”

“No one else is nice enough to warn me before attacking.” She knows Adora is close behind her now. Close enough to touch. She whirls around and slashes where she thinks Adora’s midsection is.

She-Ra stands tall in front of her and Catra wonders when Adora learned how to turn on her powers without yelling.

She only manages to scrape at She-Ra’s arm, but it draws blood and She-Ra loses focus for a split second.

She’s gotten better at using the sword, but still not on par with Adora’s skills before she left the Horde. But then again, being an eight-foot-tall warrior princess who probably carries a thousand years of wisdom gives her an advantage.

A swing. A dodge. A swipe.

“Catra, come with me, please!”

“Not gonna happen sweetheart.”

“Catra please-” She-Ra stops abruptly, as if someone suddenly silenced her vocal cords. Catra doesn’t have time to think about it as the sword comes swinging down again.

The fight is harder after that. Just a little. And as the retreat signal flies up and Catra retreats for the fifth time, she can’t help but wonder if Adora and her princess counterpart are fighting in her mind.

She wants to think about it more, but suddenly they’re back in the Fright Zone and Hordak is looking down at her, utterly disappointed, and she’s never been more furious with everything.

Hordak, Scorpia, Entrapta, Kyle, everyone. She’s exhausted of it all. And herself. Especially herself. It’s been a long time since she’s hated herself this much. It’s almost familiar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Personally, I feel like Adora was far too smart to not figure out that the Horde was evil a long time before she did in canon, and Shadow-Weaver is also far too smart to not realize Catra's potential. 
> 
> Yeah, that's the hint. Comment what you think is going to happen next.
> 
> Adora's character and personality are actually really hard for me to write, just personally, so the next chapter might take a while. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	14. Dawning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two months ago - Four months and two weeks after The Battle of Bright Moon - Adora's perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SORRY THIS CHAPTER IS LATE! School is a nightmare and trying to write this chapter felt like pulling teeth. Adora is a character that doesn't come easy to me, plus the stress of the end of the semester resulted in this late update that is definitely not my best work. Sorry.
> 
> Happy reading.

_ Two months ago - Four months and two weeks after The Battle of Bright Moon _

The headaches were getting worse, but also better somehow. The dreams were less hazy, even if Adora still couldn’t see what was going on. All she really remembered from her dreams was red. 

Red, red, and more red, staining everything she saw. 

She gently shakes away the remnants of her dream and heaves herself out of bed. Most days she doesn’t look at the end of the bed and expect to see Catra there. Today is not one of those days. Thinking of Catra always sends a strange jolt of warmth through her heart. She’s not really if she likes it.

She pushes the image of Catra out of her mind and gets dressed, grabbing her sword. She, Bow, and Glimmer are supposed to visit Perfuma today and she’s pretty sure the Horde is going to attack. She’s not sure how she knows, but the little voice in the back of her head that used to sound like Shadow-Weaver is telling her to stay on high alert. So she does. But she also lets a part of herself relax. Even if she has to fight later on, she’s been too worried for too long about too much. Maybe her headaches would finally fade. Or maybe they won’t. Regardless, she’s not going to think about it. Because she’s happy. She is. There’s just something that her mind won’t let go of.

As they get ready to leave, Bow pulls her aside.

“Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah… Why?

“You seem off.” Adora opens her mouth to speak but he cuts her off “Don’t worry, Glimmer hasn’t noticed.”

“Well I’m fine. And why would I care if Glimmer notices whatever it is you’re talking about?”

“Because she-” He cuts himself off this time. “Nevermind.”

“Bow, what are you talking about.”

“Nothing. It’s fine. This is about you. Are you okay?

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“As sure as I’m standing in front of you.” Bow fixes one last skeptical look at her before turning back to organize his arrows. Probably more to have something to do rather than actual organizing. Glimmer glances over at them suspiciously but doesn’t say anything. 

Adora can feel the tension between the two of them as they step into the Whispering Woods, hold onto Glimmer, and disappear. They reappear in an area Adora doesn’t fully recognize, but she knows they’re close. 

They walk in silence, Adora tapping her fingers against the hilt of the sword, Glimmer letting a few sparkles fly around her hands, and Bow fiddling with his bow. Adora can sense Glimmer glancing over at her every few seconds but she doesn’t ask. It’s odd how one conversation changed their entire dynamic. Glimmer glances over at her again. Maybe more than just one conversation.

She’s about to open her mouth and ask Glimmer what’s on their mind but suddenly they’re walking into the clearing and Perfuma’s welcoming them and they no longer have privacy. Guess talking will have to wait.

It’s easy to lose herself in the easiness that comes with being around Perfuma and her people. Conversation is flowing easily and Adora’s pretty sure Perfuma and Bow are trying to sneak off stealthily. She sees them leave and she’s about to say something but she catches a glimpse of the smile on Bow’s face. She hasn’t seen that in a while. And she realizes that maybe everything is fine.

After that, relaxing is easier. Bow and Perfuma come back, both looking mildly more disheveled than before. Glimmer notices but doesn’t mention it. She barely even seems bothered, turning back to her conversation with one of the villagers. And Adora wonders how much of these past few months she’s missed while being stuck in her own head. 

“Hey, Adora, what’s that behind your ear?” A question from Perfuma, who has suddenly appeared at her side, snaps her out of her wayward thoughts.

“What?”

Perfuma runs a gentle finger over the almost glowing red marks behind Adora’s ear that highlight her veins. “What happened here?”

“Um, I-I’m not sure,” Adora stammers, fighting the blush that’s threatening to cover her cheeks.

Perfuma presses her fingers against the soft skin behind her ears and it burns, not in a painful way, more like a  _ this so intimate holy crap _ way. “It’s magic of some kind.”

Adora sneaks a glance over at Glimmer, who’s staring at the two of them like Hordak himself is standing in their place.

“Um, what?”

Perfuma takes her hands away and laughs. “Whatever this is behind your ears is laced with magic. Old magic.”

Adora shakes the cloudiness in her mind and the words finally register in her brain. “What do you mean by old magic? Like how old?”

“Whoever did this to you did it to you years ago. And given that it’s still wearing off, it was probably done to you a lot over the course of a long time.”

Adora nods absently, turning the new information over in her mind. It’s the first legitimate explanation for her headaches she’s had. A thought occurs to her.

“Wait, how did you know all of this?”

“I can sense and control plants, which are alive.” Perfuma smiles. “Some of the same concepts work on people too. The energy of magic flowing through a living thing is very similar, regardless of the living thing.”

“That explains why Glimmer didn’t know…” Adora mutters under her breath. She looks back up at Perfuma. “Thank you Perfuma. Really.” She places a gentle touch on Perfuma’s shoulder and smiles softly before turning to find Glimmer. Who has conveniently disappeared. 

She finds Bow instead, who was probably on his way to talk to Perfuma again.

“Hey, have you seen Glimmer?”

“No, she was around here earlier I think.” Bow takes a quick glance around, scanning for his best friend.

“Let me know if you see her?”

“Yeah, of course.” 

And they part ways. He and Perfuma disappear again, and Adora decides to take a moment to herself. She finds a tiny clearing underneath a few large trees not far from the village and sits down, closing her eyes. 

_ “You have potential Adora… Don’t waste it… Listen... WAKE UP!” _

Her eyes snap open and she knows that voice wasn’t Shadow-Weaver. Her sword is pulsing softly next to her. She closes her eyes again, this time listening for a change in the serene near silence of the forest. 

Everything is normal for a moment, and then there it is. The rumble of the Horde’s tanks coming closer. Her eyes snap open, all thoughts from before gone, her mind completely focused. She races back to the village.

“The Horde is coming! Either find shelter or get ready for an attack!” The villagers seem far more prepared than last time and Adora watches Bow, Glimmer, and Perfuma prepare for battle.

She manages to slip away in the mild chaos. She knows Catra is looking for her and only her. She knows she’s being selfish, but she keeps going. 

She sees the tanks rumble past and watches as Catra leaps out. Graceful as always. Adora doesn’t transform, not just yet. And if her steps aren’t nearly as light as they could be, well, maybe she was just being careless.

“Hey Adora.”

“How did you know it was me?” She feigns ignorance. 

“No one else is nice enough to warn me before attacking.” Adora steps closer. Close enough to touch. Catra whirls around.

Now. 

She stands tall in front of Catra, thinking the words and her armor forms over her body. Catra manages to catch her claws on her arm and she loses focus for a split second. But then she’s back and they’re fighting.

She’s gotten better at using the sword, but still not on par with her skills before she left the Horde. But then again, being an eight-foot-tall warrior princess has its perks.

A swing. 

_ “Let her go.” _

A dodge. 

_ “Let her go.” _

A swipe.

_ “Let her go.” _

_ “NO!” _

“Catra, come with me, please!” Adora begs and pleads even though she knows it’s hopeless. She has to try.

“Not gonna happen sweetheart.”

“Catra please-” Adora stops abruptly as if someone suddenly silenced her vocal cords. She tries to speak but nothing comes out. Her arms seem to take a life of their own and the sword comes swinging down at Catra’s face again.

The fight is harder after that. Just a little. She-Ra and Adora are fighting for control and Adora doesn’t know what to do. She never really has. 

And as the retreat signal flies up and Catra retreats for the fifth time, she can’t help but wonder if Catra can tell that something is wrong. And that maybe she needs to be saved from her own mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Even if it isn't my best work! As always, leave a comment for what you want to see, or leave a kudos, or both. This author craves validation. Also, it's 2 AM and I'm only mildly delirious. 
> 
> Anyway, hopefully, the next chapter will be up soon. This is the last of the flashback chapters, there might be little flashbacks within chapters at some point, but as of right now, there are no more full flashback chapters after this one.


	15. To Stay or To Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's time for Catra to choose to stay with the Rebellion or to leave and take her chances on her own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE MADE IT CHILDREN! Not to the end but we're finally all caught up in their backstory. So yeah, here we go. Happy Reading!

_Present Day - Catra_

After Bow leaves, she stares up at the ceiling of her cell for a while. Longer than necessary, far longer than considered healthy. She’s not sure how many days she’s been in the cell.

The walls are still stained with her blood from her first night. She wishes she could conjure up that feeling again. Or any feeling. There’s an odd ache in her chest like someone took something out, and there’s just a hollow space left where something should be.

She raises her hand and places it gently over the left side of her chest.

Ba-bump

Ba-bump

Ba-bump

Good. Her heart is still beating. If it stopped, she isn’t sure if her mind could tell the difference. Her hands are cold. Her entire body is cold. She’s been cold for a long time she thinks. She’s just never been able to tell.

Or maybe there was just enough warmth from someone that she didn't know the difference.

Her eyes slip shut. Even the pain that comes with sleeping is dulled. And her dreams are hazy. As if she’s watching all the chaos and confusion from behind a cloudy glass window. And she would be happy but she doesn’t know how to feel anymore.

She wakes up a while later, at least she thinks she does. She reaches up and touches her face. Yep, her eyes are open. It’s still dark outside, a strip of moonlight shining through the small window.

There’s an abandoned tray next to the bars, the food having long gone cold. She doesn’t bother touching it. She closes her eyes and blocks out her thoughts, instead focusing on the sounds around her. The chirping of the insects outside. The gentle breeze jostling the leaves on the trees just a little. The slight hum of magic underneath her. The slow inhale and exhale of her breath. The steady beating of her heart in her chest.

She focuses on her heartbeat again.

Ba-bump

Ba-bump

Ba-bump

She lets her mind rest, and she drifts off to sleep again.

When she wakes again, it’s light outside and there’s a new tray of food that isn’t cold. Bow is sitting outside the cell, fiddling with an arrow.

“Morning sunshine.”

From anyone else, the words would’ve sounded condescending, but from him, they sounded genuine.

“You’re chipper.” She drawls, sitting up slowly.

“And you have a choice to make. C’mon, I’m taking you to see the Queen.” He unlocks the cage and she stands. She didn’t realize how confining the space was until she stepped out. She glances down at his belt. There’s a pair of handcuffs hanging off. He doesn’t reach for them.

“What, not gonna cuff me?” Part of her wishes he would. She deserves it.

“I trust you won’t run.”

“And why is that?”

“Call it a hunch.” He starts toward the exit. Catra follows, unsure what else to do.

The walk to the throne room is far shorter than she remembers, though her memory isn’t exactly perfect. Or even somewhat accurate.

They stop in front of the door, and a stab of fear shoots through Catra’s heart. She hasn’t made a decision yet. Bow senses this and turns to face her.

“Don’t worry. When the time comes, you’ll know.”

“The time has already come and I still don’t know, don’t lie to me arrow boy.” She snaps and a small bit of her old self peeks out from wherever it’s been hiding. He just smiles and opens the door.

“Well then I guess we’ll see what happens.” And they step inside.

* * *

Queen Angella is sitting in her throne, as regal as ever, the light behind her making her look almost angelic. How fitting.

“Force Captain Catra.”

“Your majesty.” She kneels instinctively. If she looked up she would see the surprise on Queen Angella’s face.

“Rise, Catra.” She stands. “Have you come to a decision?” The question that’s been hanging in her mind all week is finally voiced. Her mind is racing and blank all at the same time. She can almost hear the seconds ticking by.

_Tick_

Staying would mean being with Adora.

_Tick_

Leaving would mean finally escaping Adora’s shadow

_Tick_

Staying would mean safety from the Horde.

_Tick_

Leaving would mean freedom from everything.

_Tick_

But staying…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Next chapter will be up in the next week or so, see y'all then!


	16. Lost and Maybe Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora's perspective and what she was up to last chapter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This picks up right after Interlude Pt. 2 so if you're not quite sure what's going on, go back and read that, then come back. 
> 
> Many apologies for the cliffhanger last chapter but also not really, cliffhangers are awesome. For me. 
> 
> Happy reading!

Adora doesn’t know how long she sits there with Glimmer. Too long probably. But eventually the silence turns heavy and Glimmer stands to leave. She stops at the door and Adora hears Bow come in.

They exchange a few words, the hushed whispering drawing more attention to whatever they want to keep hidden.

Adora casually turns her head back and glances at the two of them. Glimmer is almost angry and Bow is trying to reason with her. She turns and stares back out the window. She hears the door close and it’s just her and Bow.

“You know she likes you right?” His voice echoes in the empty room. 

“Yeah… She’s my friend. It’d be weird if she didn’t like me.” 

“No I mean she  _ likes  _ you.”

“How is that any different?” Her confusion is genuine, why wouldn’t Glimmer like her? And how does emphasizing the world “like” change the meaning?

“She has romantic feelings towards you!” 

“What does that mean?!” 

It’s times like these that both of them are reminded that Adora grew up in the Horde. Bow is silent as he crosses the room and sits down next to her. She’s not sure how long they sit there in silence, his face scrunched up as he tries to think of how to describe what it means to have romantic feelings. The silence is heavy between them, the overwhelming truth of Adora’s past hanging over them.

“You know how sometimes when you look at someone and your heart starts beating really fast and all you want to do is be close to them?”

“What?” She doesn’t tell him she knows exactly what he’s talking about. He struggles to find the words.

“I dunno, it’s like when you care super strongly and super deeply for someone to the point where you completely trust them and would do anything for them. You wouldn’t just die for them. You’d live for them.” He pauses, and his voice drops to a whisper. “You’d stay for them.”

Adora stares out at the forest, refusing to answer or even acknowledge his statement. She lets the tears that form fall freely.

_ You wouldn’t just die for them…  _

_ You’d live for them…  _

_ You’d stay for them…  _

Catra’s face is playing over and over in her mind. Her eyes, her smile, her laugh, the way her tail always showed exactly how she was feeling, even if her face didn’t. The way she’d always comfort her after Shadow-Weaver’s punishments. The way they showed affection through violence because they didn’t know anything else. 

The way she’d smile after completing a particularly difficult task.

The way Adora always wanted to be the reason for that smile. 

The was Adora’s heart raced when Catra smirked and cocked her eyebrow just so.

The way her heart soared when she woke up with Catra sleeping quietly near her feet.

The way she loved-

“Holy crap I was in love with Catra.” The blood drains from her face as a realization dawns on her a decade late.

“Yep.” Bow is entirely unfazed by her sudden realization.

“And you knew?”

“Yep.”

“Is that why you-”

“Yep.”

“Is she still here?”

Bow looks down and sighs. “I don’t know. She’s meeting with Queen Angella right now.”

“Why?”

“Queen Angella gave Catra the choice to either stay with the Rebellion or leave. She’s telling the queen her decision right now.”

“What happens if she chooses to stay?”

“I don’t know.”

“And if she chooses to go?”

Bow sighs again and his voice drops. “You might never see her again.” 

They sit in silence for a while. Adora’s mind is racing yet empty at the same time, trying to comprehend the thought of never seeing Catra ever again. Her brain a computer in overdrive, trying and failing to process an incomputable form of data.

“How did you know?”

“What?”

“I did you know I loved her?” The use of “love” in the past tense doesn’t slip past either of them. 

“There’s this look in your eyes when you talk about her. The only other time I’ve ever seen that look is when Queen Angella talks about her husband.”

That’s when Adora gets it. And her heart shatters just a little bit more.  

“Do you want to see her?” His question is soft, gently breaking the silence. She doesn’t answer. “Do you want to be alone?” She nods. She hears him sigh quietly before making his way to the door and leaving. The door clicks shut and Adora lets out a breath she didn’t know she was holding, slumping against the windowsill.

She doesn’t know she wants to see Catra again. Her heart is screaming at her to sprint out of the room and find Catra but something in her mind is stopping her. The pulsing behind her ears is back again and she can feel a headache coming on. She closes her eyes. The images that paint in the inside of her eyelids only make things worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, the next chapter will be up very very soon.   
> Please leave a comment or a kudos, this author craves validation.


	17. Glitter and Claws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Catra made her choice. But what that choice is, remains a mystery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello friends! As promised, this chapter is up quick, mainly because I was mostly done writing it by the time I uploaded the last chapter. Catra has finally made her choice, but probably to your dismay, only Queen Angella and I (the author), know what that choice is. Happy reading! (insert non-creepy winky face here).

“You know I don’t trust you right?” Glimmer’s words slice sharply through the thick silence between them as she leads Catra to her room.

“Didn’t think you did. Glad we cleared that up  _ princess. _ ” She can almost feel the death glare trained on her back and she smirks. They walk in tense silence until they reach the room. 

“Here’s your room. Don’t break anything.” 

It’s a nice room by all accounts. Far nicer than the barracks in the Horde. Everything is bright and happy and light. Nothing like the Horde. She finally understands why Adora decided to stay. This place fits her perfectly. Warmth and positivity and hope and everything that defines Adora at her very core. She shakes herself out of her thoughts, remembering that Glimmer is still standing behind her. 

“You love her don’t you.”

“Excuse me?”

“Adora. You love her.” Catra turns to face a now blushing Glimmer.

“I don’t know what-”

“Please, I saw the look in your eyes when I carried her into your base.”

“She’s my friend, of course I love her.”

“We both know you feel something other than mere friendship.” She pauses. “I can’t blame you. It’s hard not to fall for someone like her.”

There’s a pause and they both hear footsteps rushing down the hallway. Catra instantly stiffens and is on the verge of attack when Bow skids to a stop in front of them.

“Hey Glimmer. Catra.”

“You two know each other?” Glimmer stares back and forth between the two of them incredulously.

“He visited me every day last week.”

“Why?” 

“Dunno. Ask him.” Catra hides a smile as she watches Glimmer turn to Bow for an explanation, the tension between the two growing.

“We’ll talk about it later.” He says firmly. Glimmer stares at him but doesn’t push the issue. “Catra, are you okay here?”

“Peachy. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna jump out the window.” Bow squints his eyes, looking at her skeptically. He gives Glimmer a slight head nod and she takes her cue to leave, shutting the door softly behind her.

“What did you choose?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“I would. That’s why I asked.” 

She glares at him. “How’s Adora?”

“She’ll be okay.” He doesn’t mention the change of subject. “She loves you. You know that right?”

She scoffs. “As if she even knows what love is.”

“It took her a minute, but I think she knows now.” A pause. “But you know, don’t you. You know exactly what love is and what it feels like”

“Is there something you’d like to share arrow boy?”

“Heartbreak is a fickle thing. Though it’s really not my place to say.”

“Of course it isn’t.” She sighs, turning to look out the window. There’s a beat of silence. 

“Hold on, what’s that behind your ear?” All the softness in his voice is gone now, replaced with something almost harsh. Something that told Catra not to lie, even if she wanted to. Even if she could.

“What?”

“There’s these red marks behind your ears. Like your veins are highlighted…” His voice trails off and she can sense the urgency in what seems to be a realization.

“Care to explain arrow boy?”

“I’ll explain later. Have you been having headaches and weird dreams?”

“Yeah...?”

“Are they tinted reddish?”

“Sometimes? What’s this even about?”

“I’ll tell you later. I have to go now, see you later!” He sprints out of the room and down the hall, and Catra stares after him, utterly confused. 

She walks towards the window, trying to process everything that just happened. She looks down, considering going back on what she told Glimmer. She decides against it, sitting in the windowsill instead, dangling a leg over the edge. She wonders where Adora is. She hopes she’s okay. The scars on Adora’s body sketch their bloody and brutal story of friends to enemies. Catra regrets every single one.

She closes her eyes. There’s a strange but oh so familiar pulsing behind her ears as a headache forms, bringing in strange dreams tinged in a cruel sea of red. It vaguely occurs to her that this is what Bow was talking about, but the dream takes over and sleep carries her away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! As always, please leave a comment or a kudos, this author craves validation! This is starting to feel suspiciously like a youtuber outro. Anyway, as this story nears its end, I'd like to thank all of you all for reading and sticking around through crazy chapters and a horrendously inconsistent update schedule. Next chapter could take awhile. Sorry.
> 
> There are a few chapters left that I have planned, but I do have the beginnings of a sequel in mind. Let me know if you want one. Thanks!


	18. An Invisible Wall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora wants to see Catra. But it's complicated. (Picks up right after chapter 16)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GUESS WHO HAD WRITER'S BLOCK ALL WEEK? THIS BITCH THAT'S WHO! Sorry, it's been a week and it's like midnight right now and I make poor choices.  
> Anyway, here's a new chapter. All grammar mistakes are mine.  
> Happy reading!

The memory isn’t as hazy as the other ones. She can make out actual shapes and figures, and the red fog covering everything isn’t as thick.

She can see herself, a younger version of herself sneaking through the halls of the Horde. Odd. She doesn’t remember that day.

She watches as she makes a turn down an unfamiliar hallway, following Shadow-Weaver. She peeks inside the door Shadow-Weaver disappears into, cloaking her body in the shadows just outside the doorway. There’s an array of screens, and Hordak is standing in front of them. The screens display live camera feeds of rebellion-run villages. Shadow-Weaver and Hordak are having a heated whispering debate.

She leans forward a little too much and loses her balance, falling to the ground loudly. Shadow-Weaver and Hordak immediately turn around and a jolt of fear shoots through her heart. Shadow-Weaver takes a step closer and then suddenly her vision is clouded in red again.

She snaps awake in a cold sweat, nearly falling off the windowsill. The clock next to her tells her she’s only been asleep for a few minutes. The dream, or the memory rather, is seared into her mind. She plays it over and over again, trying to remember what happened after but only seeing red. Just Shadow-Weaver looming over her and then red. She knows this could very well just be her own mind messing with her but her instincts are screaming that this is important, that this is a memory, and that whatever she just saw was very very real.

_Knock knock knock_

“Come in.”

The door swings open and Glimmer is standing there, eyes shining.

“Hey Glimmer. What’s up?”

“Are you going to see her?”

“What? Who?”

“Catra. Are you going to go see her?”

“I don’t even know where she is- if she’s still here.”

“End of the hallway, turn left, down the stairs, last room on the right.”

“How do you know that…?”

“That’s where I just was.” The words echo between them. How ironic, Adora thinks, that Glimmer saw Catra before she did. “So are you going to see her?” Glimmers words snap her out of her own thoughts.

“How can I?” The words are out of her mouth before she can think. Glimmer tilts her head, confused.

“What do you mean?”

“I left her there. Alone. With the woman who spent every moment she could reminding Catra that she was worthless. I broke the first and only promise I’ve ever made to her. How can I see her, stand in front of her, when all I’ve done is bring her pain?”

“She’s hurt you too. I mean come on! She almost killed you last week! And she nearly killed all of us last month! Netossa is still half deaf!”

“That doesn’t excuse my actions!”

“It doesn’t excuse hers either!” They’re full-on shouting at each other now, Glimmer’s jealousy and Adora’s fierce protective streak going head to head.

“Why do you care anyway? You don’t even like her!”

“But _I_ like you! And I can’t just stand by and let her hurt you again!” There’s something in Glimmer that makes Adora stop and soften, letting her guard down. Glimmer doesn’t know their history.

“She won’t hurt me Glim.”

“How do you know that?”

Adora sighs. “I don’t. Not for sure. But she surrendered. She could have everything she’s ever wanted in the Horde. Leaving would mean she can’t go back. Ever. But she still surrendered. That has to mean something.”

Glimmer still looks skeptical but she doesn’t say anything else. There’s a knock on the door and Bow comes in.

“I heard yelling. Is everything okay?”

“Peachy.”

“What she said.” Something in Adora’s mind told her that she should probably say something about her dream. How she could actually see things that weren’t foggy red blurs.

“What are you even arguing about?” Bow’s question snaps her back to reality.

“Adora, all Catra has ever done is try to kill you, and us.” Glimmer turns her attention back to Adora. And it finally dawns on her that Glimmer doesn’t know Catra the same way.

“But before that, she was my friend. She was the only person I had. I was the only person she had. She has every reason to want to kill me and everyone around me.”

“That doesn’t make it okay.”

“No, it doesn’t. But I do want to see her. I’m just not sure if I deserve to.” Glimmer refuses to meet her eyes. Bow just glances back and forth between the two of them, unsure what to say. “Not to mention, I think I finally know what’s wrong with my head.”

Both of them immediately snap up and stare at her.

“WHAT?”

Adora sighs and sits on the edge of her bed. “You might want to sit down for this.” They both immediately sit, staring intently at her. “I think Shadow-Weaver messed with my memories.”

“But I stopped her from erasing your memories when we were in the Horde.” Glimmer’s face is twisted in confusion and horror. Realization dawns on Bow as Adora says her next words.

“Not from that. From before. When I was still in the Horde.”

A beat of silence. Then another. And then another.

“What memories did she take?” Bow’s question quietly breaks the silence.

“I’m not sure. But I’m starting to think that I figured out what the Horde was doing a long long time ago. And I think every time I did, Shadow-Weaver took the memories away from me.”

“Why would she do that?” Adora almost smiles, Glimmer's question a harsh reminder of the stark differences between the Horde and the Rebellion.

“I think she knew what I could become. How dangerous I could be to the Horde if I found out what they were really doing.” She pauses for a moment before leaping off the bed. “I have to talk to Catra.”

"Wait, what?"

She races out the door, leaving Glimmer and Bow staring after her, far more confused and concerned than before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> As we near the end of this story, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who read, kudosed, and commented. I hope you've enjoyed this wild ride, and I'll see y'all next week probably. In the meantime, I have two other stories for this fandom so if you'd like to check them out, go to my profile. *hooray for shameless self-promotion*


	19. (Not) Seeing Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Picks up right after chapter 17, Catra's dreams are finally revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello children, this chapter is up early mainly because I don't really know what to do with it other than post it. I've also been staring at it for the past four days and my brain hurts. All grammar errors and stuff are mine. Happy reading!

The memory started red and hazy as usual, only blurry figures and hazy, indistinct voices floating around her. She steps through the fog blindly, trying to figure out where she is, even if she knows she’ll just wake up at some point utterly confused and defeated.

Suddenly, the fog around her clears and she falls, hitting the ground hard. She inhales. Oh no. That smell is familiar. Concrete, steel, some sort of (probably toxic) gas, tinged with just the slightest hint of insanity and pride. She’s back in the Horde, and by the looks of it, in an empty hallway. She watches as a younger version of herself and Adora run past and she’s hit with deja vu. Memories of that day in weird temple place with Adora flood her mind. She shakes those thoughts away, focusing back on her surroundings.

She doesn’t remember this day, then again, all her time at the Horde has kind of become a blur of defeat and regret. She watches as they turn the corner and she follows. They run, a younger Adora chasing her younger self, their laughter echoing through the empty hall. Her younger self races past a door and Adora skids to a stop, her eyes wide.

“Holy…”

Her younger self stops at the end of the hallway and turns back. “Adora, what’s going on?”

Adora walks into the room in a daze, horror marring her features. Catra, both her older and younger self follow.

“Adora, what is wrong with— Whoa…”

The room is clearly a control room of some kind, screens displaying a live feed of a raid on a Rebellion stronghold. Well, what was supposed to be a Rebellion stronghold.

“They were innocent…” Adora whispers, her eyes glued to the destruction displayed on the screen.

“What?” Catra turns to look at the screen just in time to see a tank demolish a building, the inhabitants screaming in terror as Horde soldiers advance on them.

“Starcloud was supposed to be a highly volatile base. Not an innocent town. Why are they doing this?”

Older Catra wants to scream, “BECAUSE THEY’RE EVIL YOU MORON!” But decides against it. She can tell her younger self wants to do the same thing. However, neither of them get the chance as a shadow(how fitting) looms over them and they turn to see Shadow-Weaver standing above them.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING-” A bolt of red lighting and she shoots awake with a gasp. She rubs the last remnants of sleep from her eyes as the memory plays again in her mind. The logical part of her brain is telling her that this could very well just be a super weird dream, but her instincts are screaming at her that whatever she just saw was very very real.  

 _“She’s been messing with our heads since we were kids!”_ Her own words from so long ago come back to her. She’s never hated being right more.

 

She needs to find Adora.

 

She sprints out of her room blindly, the space suddenly suffocating even though it’s wide open and bright. She runs, turning random corners, taking the stairs up, up, up, as high as she can. More memories of that day in the temple. She remembers fighting off that spider robot thing. She remembers Adora stealing the final blow away from her. She remembers the pure venom she poured into her words as Adora hangs off the edge of the cliff.

_“You leaving was the best thing that ever happened to me”_

How true those words felt as she spit them in Adora’s face all those months ago. How true they sometimes still felt, even as she blindly sprinted up the stairs towards who knows where.

_“Imagine what I could’ve been if I’d gotten rid of you sooner.”_

Those words felt like knives stabbing into her very soul. How she even managed to say those words the first time astounds her. Then again, Adora’s hero complex would piss anyone off, no matter how close they are. Though from the looks of it, most people in the rebellion are in love with She-Ra than anything else.

Who would she be had she pushed Adora away earlier? Would she still carry the scars from Shadow-Weaver? Would she have left the Horde? 

She shakes herself out of her thoughts as she looks up and notices there are only a couple flights of stairs left with a door at the top. She takes a deep breath and keeps running.

She burst out the door, skidding to a stop at the edge of the roof, chest heaving.

Adora leaving wasn’t the best thing that ever happened to her. Not even close. Meeting Adora however, that was the best thing that ever happened to her. By a long shot. Not that she had much to compare it to.

Her and Adora getting caught in Shadow-Weaver’s lab? No.

Watching Adora get showered with praise day in and day out? No.

Losing almost every fight until she realized it was pointless? No.

Seeing the disappointed look on Adora’s face every time she showed up late? Definitely not.

Deliberately cutting the strand of spider-silk Adora was holding on to, forcing her to fall? Absolutely not.

Running through the hallways when they were kids, laughing their heads off? Maybe a close second.

She looks up and her breath catches in her throat. The sun is just starting to set and the view over the rooftop is… stunning. Nothing like the clouded skies over the Fright Zone. No, this sky screams peace. It screams light. It screams innocence. A small part of her wants to drag her claws across it, to tear is to shreds. To tear apart everything Adora has, force her to rebuild, the same was Adora tore away everything she had and forced her to rebuild. She instead chooses to sit down, dangling her legs over the edge.

Adora will find her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading, as we count down these last few chapters, please leave a comment if you want a sequel or a companion piece. I'll probably write one anyway but it'd be nice to know if there's an interest. So yeah, leave a kudos, leave a comment, next chapter will be up sometime next week (hopefully).
> 
> And if you wanna read more of my writing, go to my profile. There's more angsty goodness if that's what you're into.


	20. A Slow Approach to Closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora goes to find Catra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again children, this chapter would have been up sooner but writer's block + my chem midterm + model congress + laziness all cumulated into whatever this is. So yeah, hopefully it's not a complete dumpster fire. All grammar mistakes are mine. FYI, this chapter picks up right after chapter 18.
> 
> Happy Reading!

_“End of the hallway, turn left, down the stairs, last room on the right.”_

Catra’s room isn’t hard to find by any means. Finding Catra herself, however, was proving to be a challenge. She wasn’t in her room, which wasn't exactly surprising, but it made Adora's life a lot harder. She was tempted to go back upstairs and ask Bow and Glimmer to help, but a voice in her head stops her. Not the evil one. A different voice. The one that told her that her dreams were real.

She closes her eyes, listening for that voice again.

_“Where would Catra go…?”_

She’s not sure if the voice is asking or if she is. It doesn’t matter, she still needs an answer. Where would Catra go if she was upset? Oh. OH. Adora smiles the slightest bit to herself. Of course. She finds the nearest staircase and starts climbing.

Ever since they were little, Catra always hated being inside. Always hated being confined to a small space. Safe to say that not much has changed.

_~flashback~_

_Adora quietly follows Catra as she sneaks through the hallways of the Fright Zone, climbing on anything and everything in sight, swinging along the pipes. She’s panicked, her movements aren’t as fluid as they normally are, her landings awkward and her grabs less than smooth. She’s distracted, which is probably the only reason she hasn’t noticed Adora following her._

_She pauses for a moment, perched on a railing, her mind clearly racing. Adora watches as she absent-mindedly jumps, reaching for the pipe on the ceiling, but her lack of focus causes her to fall short. Time slows, and Adora feels her body move instinctively. Next thing either of them knows, Catra is in Adora’s arms._

_“Wow, looks like you really fell for me.” Adora can’t hold back the giggle that escapes her. Catra fixes a glare that could melt steel onto her and her smile melts away. “Sorry.”_

_“Thanks for catching me.”_

_“I’ll always catch you.” Adora’s tries to make her words as sincere as possible while she sets Catra down gently. A fierce blush covers Catra’s cheeks._

_“Whatever.”_

_“Care to explain why you’re running?” Catra looks down._

_“It’s too suffocating in here. I was going up to the roof. It’s the only place Shadow-Weaver doesn’t bother following me to.”_

_“Probably because she knows you have to come down at some point.”_

_Catra glares at her again. “Not helping Adora.”_

_“Oh. Sorry. Is that where you’ve been going all this time?”_

_“Yeah.”_

_There’s a beat of silence._

_“Can I come with you?”_

_Catra is silent for a moment, contemplating. Slowly, she nods. “Fine. Just don’t tell Shadow-Weaver you know where I am next time she asks.”_

_“Promise.”_

_They race up to the roof together. The sky is clear for once and they sit next to each other, legs dangling over the edge, watching the sunset. They fall asleep counting the barely visible stars above them. They wake to the sun rising, and for a little while, the world is just them._

_~end flashback~_

The two of them spend more than a few nights together on that roof, though it happened less and less as they got older. But whenever anything happened during training, or Shadow-Weaver was being particularly brutal, Adora would always find Catra on the roof. They would lie next to each other, count the stars they could see, and fall asleep, waking up with the sun. How easy life was when she was still blind to the truth of the Horde. Or really, when she was still memory-wiped.

Then again, life was only easy for her. She hated it, but she was Shadow-Weaver’s favorite. It just took losing Catra to figure that out. Well, she didn’t lose Catra. Not really. She willingly walked away from a horrible cause with no thought as to the harm it would cause the person closest to her. She doesn’t even know what to think anymore.

The door at the top of the stairs is unlocked and there are slight claw marks around the handle. She smiles slightly to herself. 

She gently pushes the door open and steps outside. The sun is just starting to set and Catra is sitting right there, her legs dangling over the edge, the setting sun radiating around her, seemingly making her glow. _She looks so beautiful._ The thought briefly crosses Adora's mind and she doesn't push it away. It's not like she's lying. 

"Hey Catra."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! The long-awaited conversation between Catra and Adora is finally coming... Next chapter. Which could take a while to get posted, I just started planning it out and I want to do it right. So yeah, leave a kudos or a comment, go read the end-notes from the last chapter, and we'll see when the next chapter gets uploaded.


	21. Talking as I Beg You to Hear Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora and Catra finally talk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WE FINALLY MADE IT! This is the last official chapter, the next chapter is sorta an epilogue that leads into the next part of this story. Thank you to everyone who stuck around for this, and I sincerely hope you all enjoy this chapter. Happy reading!

“Hey Catra.” The combination of words sound strange both leaving Adora’s mouth and entering Catra’s ears. The intonation is different, there’s no flirtatious lilt. Catra doesn’t turn around. She’s done chasing Adora. She hears a sigh, and then the sound of footsteps crossing the roof, and then Adora sits down next to her. 

“So, you found me.”

“Just because I left doesn’t mean I forgot everything about you.” They both notice how Adora says  _ “I left” _ . 

“So you’re finally admitting that you left.”

“Yes. And I’m sorry. For leaving, for pushing you away, for forcing you to clean up the mess I left behind. I was selfish and naive and– and I should’ve asked you to come with me. Or at least come back to take responsibility.”

“I’m not gonna forgive you just like that.”

“I know.”

Catra looks at her, confusion in her eyes. “What happened to you?”

“What?”

“You’re different.” She leans in closer. “Before this, before I nearly killed you, you were different. Full of this self-righteousness and superiority. You thought you were better than me. That you were better and if I joined you, I could also be better. But not anymore. What happened?”

There’s a beat of silence.

“When I left, I did it because the Horde was hurting innocent people. And I finally realized that you were innocent. You were innocent and I just left you there, let the Horde hurt you. That’s why I stopped. Because I couldn’t hurt you anymore.”

“And I see the world still turns on your terms.”

“Catra, I’m not looking for forgiveness.”

“Then what are you looking for? A final word to clear your conscience so you can keep living your happy go lucky life here?”

“I just– I just want to make sure that you’re okay.”

“That depends. What passes as okay around here?”

“Are you happy?”

“A week ago, I nearly killed the person I love the most in this world, walked away from the only life I’ve ever known, and willingly surrendered to the enemy. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it all. Being happy is the last thing on my mind.”

Confusion, hurt, and shock all make their way across Adora’s face. “What am I supposed to say to that?”

Catra shrugs, staring out at the setting sun. “I dunno. Does the Rebellion not teach you how to acknowledge people’s feelings?”

“Nah, that’s a skill pretty much limited to Bow.”

There’s another beat of silence. A small smile graces Catra’s face.

“How did you even become friends with him?”

“He came to visit me every day while I was in your super nice prison.”

“Why?”

“I dunno. Pity?”

“Not his style.”

“I think he hoped I was like you. That I could be convinced to fight for the Rebellion.”

There’s a beat of silence.

“Well we both know you’re nothing like me.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Catra knows the words are true, but that doesn’t stop them from stinging.

“I mean, we’re different that’s all,” Adora knows she opened a can of worms she should not have opened. “You’re very...”

“Violent? Erratic? Psychotic? Bad judge of character?” Catra’s putting her walls up before Adora can worm her way in again. She’s learned from last time. Not again.

“I was gonna say impulsive.” Adora really isn’t trying to hurt Catra. But she’s really not sure if she knows how to.

“Oh.”

Another beat of silence.

“Do we really not know how to talk without fighting?” Adora’s voice cracks a little as she turns and faces Catra.

“I guess not.”

The sun continues to set and they both look out as the sky slowly goes from a brilliant orange to a bright red, and the moon begins rising behind them.

The sun is nearly completely set when Adora finally speaks. “Shadow-Weaver erased my memories.”

“What?”

“I figured out what the Horde was really doing to the Rebellion years ago. Attacking innocent towns. Destroying everyone and everything. And she wiped it from my memories.”

“She did the same thing to me.”

“What?”

“I had a dream last night. We were running through the Fright Zone. Younger versions of ourselves. Playing, messing around, like we used to. We found a control room and all these screens were playing what I think was a live feed of the Horde attacking a village. They killed everyone. Even the kids. And Shadow-Weaver wiped it from my mind.”

“You wanted to believe it was a dream. But there was a voice in your head screaming that it was real.”

“Yeah.”

The sun is completely set now and the stars are glowing high in the sky, more than they’d ever been able to see in the Fright Zone. The moon shines down on them, and it’s almost warm. Comforting, in a sense.

“I’m sorry.”

“You said that already.”

“I know. But I am. I left because something deep inside me was screaming that I couldn’t go back. But that same voice has told me to kill you several times so I guess I shouldn’t have listened. My point is, I think I knew the Horde was evil. I knew Shadow-Weaver genuinely hated you and wanted you gone. I knew that everything we stood for was wrong. Even without the memory wipe. I just didn’t want to face it for what it was, so I ran. And because of that, you suffered. I could make a million excuses but at the end of the day, I ran away from the truth. I latched on to the first shiny thing I found and left everyone I loved behind. And that was wrong.”

“It was the cruelest thing you could’ve done.”

They both fall silent again, staring out at the night sky. There’s a new peace between them, now that everything’s been said. 

“We’re never going to be the same again are we.”

“No.” Catra smirks to herself the tiniest bit. “But that means we can become something new.”

Adora tries and fails to hide her shock. “Who told you that?”

“Bow.”

“Makes sense. So are we okay?”

Catra is silent. She’s not entirely sure how to answer. Nothing could ever fix them completely. But… “For now? I think so.”

Adora smiles. She sneaks a glance over at Catra. There are red marks behind her ears, just peeking out through her hair. The same ones she has. 

“Why now?”

“What?” 

“Why did our memories come back now, after so long?”

Catra suddenly remembers. Adora doesn’t know. How could she? “Shadow-Weaver’s gone.”

“Gone? Like dead gone?”

“I’m not sure. But she’s not in the Fright Zone, at least not in any of the parts I had access to, which was all parts. Believe me, I scoured the place, she’s not there. It’s just Entrapta playing with the crystal now?”

Adora stares at her in shock. “There are so many things that you just said that are completely and utterly mind-boggling to me so give me a second.” Her mind is racing and so many feelings are rising up inside her that she doesn’t even know where to start.

Catra looks over at her, concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just- what? Entrapta’s alive? Shadow-Weaver’s dead-”

“Maybe. She might’ve just disappeared.”

“Still. Entrapta’s been alive this entire time? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Why would I?”

“She thinks that we left her there doesn’t she?”

“Yep.”

“And now she doesn’t want to leave because the Horde has a bunch of fancy tech for her to mess with!” Her thoughts are swirling wildly in her mind. Catra stares at her, eyebrows raised.

“How did you even..? What? How did you know?”

“Your last attack had a bunch of super nice tech. At least according to Bow. Also, it was getting harder and harder to beat you guys.”

“Fair enough.”

“And back to the whole Shadow-Weaver thing, so she’s gone?”

“Yeah.”

“Wow. Maybe her magic is finally wearing off.”

“Maybe.”

Adora lies back, the emotional weight of the conversation taking its toll. Catra does too. She tries not to reminisce about how familiar it feels. They both try not to think about how this feels right. But not completely.

“Thank you.”

Catra rolls over to face Adora. “For what?”

“For being willing to come back. For saving me that day. Even after everything.”

“I don’t think I could’ve done anything else.”

They gaze into each other’s eyes and they both lean in slightly. And a little more. And a little more. Catra stops first, her forehead just barely grazing Adora’s. Adora doesn’t try to close the gap. They both know. Not yet.

They fall asleep tangled in each other. And it feels just a little bit like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for reading! This has been an absolutely wild and amazing ride and I am beyond grateful for all of you beautiful amazing readers. Leave a comment or a kudos, this author still craves validation. Anyhow, one more chapter to go, I'll see you all then.


	22. Rising Sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adora wakes up the next morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FINAL CHAPTER! AAHHH! We finally made it! Thank you to all you lovely people!  
> And now for the last time (in this story)... Happy Reading!

Adora wakes slowly, the sunlight blinding her just the slightest bit. She’s on the roof. Why is she- Ohhhh. Memories from the night before flood her mind. Talking. Finally saying everything she’d wanted to say. Finally hearing everything Catra needed to say.

And then she notices. The space next to her is empty. In its place, an oh so familiar mask, and a note.

_Dear Adora,_

_As you’ve probably figured out by now, I’m leaving. Don’t worry, I’m not going back to the Horde._

 

_~earlier~_

_Catra wakes up tangled in Adora. It’s nice and she almost closes her eyes to go back to sleep. It wouldn’t be that bad right? Staying here? With Adora? She shakes her head. No. She has to leave. She carefully extricates herself from Adora’s grasp and stands. She glances out at the night sky. It’s beautiful, but nothing could compare to the girl slumbering at her feet. She glances at Adora one last time before slipping inside._

_~now~_

 

Adora briefly wonders how she didn’t notice Catra slipping away. She turns back to the note.

_I’m heading out on my own. I know you want me to stay here more than anything. And I wish I could. But there’s nothing for me here. I know I’ll have you, but I can’t spend my entire life following you around. It’s not fair to either of us._

 

_~earlier~_

_Finding her room again was a challenge, but she’s pretty sure the universe is helping her out given that she only took two wrong turns and hasn’t bumped into any guards. She grabs the bag she packed the day before and the carefully folded note from under her bed. She can only hope that Adora will read it._

_Finding her way back to the roof was easier than expected. Retracing her steps in the dark is a skill she’s mastered after years of sneaking around the Fright Zone, and all she hopes for is that Adora is still sleeping. She slowly opens the door to the roof, wincing as it squeaks. Thankfully, Adora doesn’t wake._

_~now~_

 

Catra’s handwriting is messy, the words scrawled hastily, but Adora can tell she put care into the words on the page.

_I would say don’t come find me, but knowing you, you’d probably tear the world apart at the seams to find me. So go ahead. I don’t mind. You can race after me, find me within a day. But I think we both know that you need to stay with the Rebellion. At least until you win the war._

 

_~earlier~_

_Catra kneels down next to Adora, carefully placing the note next to her. She watches her sleep for a moment. She looks peaceful. Free. She’s about to stand and leave when she reaches up to her face and removes the mask she’s worn for so long. She places it down on top the note, weighing it down. She watches Adora for another moment before pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. And then she stands, glancing out at the sky. The sun is just peeking over the horizon. She slips inside. She’s out of the castle and into the woods before the sun has even halfway risen._

_~now~_

 

A drop of water hits the page and Adora glances up. The sky is clear so why...? Oh. She’s crying. She wipes the tears away as they fall. She doesn’t want her tears to blur the words.

_And I mean it when I say you’ll win the war. Hordak may be strong, stronger now with Entraptra, but you’re stronger. You and your friends are stronger. I believe in you. And don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. We can live without each other. And when the time comes, you’ll find me._

 

_\- Catra_

Adora gently picks the mask up. “I’m not sure if I want to live without you.”

 

She looks out at the rising sun.

 

"The fight isn't worth it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Thank you to all you lovely humans who have stuck by me through this entire thing. Thank you for sticking with me through strange update schedules, constant POV switches, and all the grammar errors that I still haven't found. Thank you. I sincerely hope you've enjoyed my writing, please leave a comment or a kudos, this author still craves validation. And keep your eyes peeled for more writing from me. And if you can't wait that long, please go check out my other writing.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading children. Follow me on tumblr if you want wildly inconsistent reblogs of various things and occasionally me ranting about fandoms. @panicked-bi-kid
> 
> Please leave any ideas or suggestions in the comments, I will let you know if I use one of your suggestions and you will be credited. 多谢了!


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